The damn cat needs to let me sleep!

I have this cat.  Okay, I have three cats – but today I want to talk about one in particular…

That’s Isa.  We’ve had Isa since just after we got married.  Keep in mind that this is back when she was normal small.  She’s not that size anymore.  Now she’s 18 pounds of purring fur…

I’ve talked about Isa before as our overweight bulimic cat.  It has become a joke in our house that Isa is our Millon Dollar Kitty.  She has been our most expensive cat to own (thanks to kidney stone surgery that was so severe even our vet was shocked at the size of her 18 stones!) Once she peed through her carrier on the way to the vet and caused our brand new car to smell like cat pee for months.  Despite various cleaning products we couldn’t get the smell out. My husband, in his attempts to satiate me because I was pregnant, paid over $1000 to have the front seat of the car replaced so I couldn’t “smell” it anymore.  I’m still not convinced there isn’t a slight odor 5 years later, but whatever…

A few weeks ago Isa got sick again.  After a night of screaming in pain I was convinced her stones were back.  I rushed her to the vet where they filled her with fluids, gave her various shots and medications, and assured me that it was nothing more than a bladder infection.  That’s all well and good, but that’s not where the problem is.

Ever since she got sick she’s been camped out on our bed – only leaving to use the litter box and eat gorge her food.  She lives on the bed all damn day.  If the other cats come near she hisses and growls.  If I come near she decides it time to party and purrs, talks, meows, rubs, and licks.  Oh, the freaking licking!  This wouldn’t be too bad except that she won’t leave the bed at night.  Believe me I’ve tried to move her, but you try shooing 18 pounds of cat with your foot that is already weighed down by quilts, blankets, and a husband.  It ain’t happening.  Then she decides the middle of the night is the best time to be active – licking and licking and nudging and purring and pushing and licking some more.  I actually have raw skin on my arms because she won’t stop licking.

I haven’t slept well in 3 weeks because she won’t vacate our damn bed! Why the hell is she camped out there!? Is it a ‘thank you for getting me healthy‘ thing?  Maybe a ‘I love you‘ plea?

I have no idea but my lack of sleep has convinced me it’s more of a ‘I‘m going to suffocate your ugly face in the middle of the night because I’m a cat and I’m an asshole” thing…

And clearly she is winning.