school - hooey!critic

My academic fate

April 21, 2011 By Neena 4 Comments

I finished my Comprehensive Exam Essays the other day. And, I finished them a few weeks early. Exciting, yes? Worthy of a cartwheel or two? You bet – though I’m libel to break a hip or end up wetting myself if I actually try that. So, I’ll just pretend.

But now comes the scary part.

Not only do PhD students have to do the comprehensive exams, but we also have to orally defend them.

In front of a committee. Of really smart people.

You sit in a room for two hours where they grill you over every choice you made, all the ideas you explored, and what weaknesses you have in your development.

Hello, I just crapped my pants.

Can’t I just answer all their questions with: I don’t know. Because you told me to write that.

Probably not.

Aren’t these people aware yet that I’m a total fraud?! I cheat at Words with Friends. I still count on my fingers sometimes. And, I’ve never read any Ayn Rand. I don’t really grasp how couponing works. I still look up grammar rules in a reference book. And, I still can’t work my iPhone after two years of owning the damn thing!

I have no clue what the hell I’m doing!!!

Though I imagine I’ll be fretting, losing sleep, and having the occasional bout of nervous stomach until May 9th. That’s my doom day. That’s when I curl up in the corner of a conference room, cry, and eat my hair while they berate me with insults about not being enough of a scholar or feminist. Interestingly enough – I pay the university to go through this. I pay for this!

I’m a pants crapping, fraudulent, masochist!

Last time I met with my committee I brought them homemade scones. It might be time to bust out the big guns and bring them large quantities of cash. Or pot brownies.

Anyone know where I can get either of those things? Without couponing? Because, seriously, I don’t get that.

Filed Under: PhD, school

I wanna quit the feminism!!

April 18, 2011 By Neena 1 Comment

Do you know what happens when you spend your entire weekend working on your final COMPS question about feminism?

You get to hear your husband constantly say things like…

“Don’t try to oppress me with your ovaries!”

and

“I, for one, welcome the Ovary Overlords”

and

“I have a penis.”

And, in the midst of it all, I’m too damn tired from writing for 9 hours today to do anything other than laugh at his wittiness. I can say this though…

Feminism is exhausting and I think I’d rather be oppressed.

Goodbye forever.

Filed Under: school

PTO Dropout

March 14, 2011 By Neena 3 Comments

Last year when my daughter started kindergarden I joined the PTO. I saw their table at open house, talked with whoever it was white-knuckling the cash box, and decided it might be nice to be involved. According to the big, fat poster they had attached to the table, their meetings were held on a specific Tuesday night of the month.

Super, I thought. I don’t have class on Tuesday night so this will work out perfect.

I paid my $10 fee to join and went on my way. During the first week of school, however, another flier was sent home stating that all meeting were on Thursdays, not Tuesdays. There had been a typo. A big, fat, scheduling typo. Since there was no apology for the mistake and I had classes on Thursdays that could not be moved, I dropped out of the PTO. That’ll teach them to proofread!

I let them keep my $10 bucks, though, because I’m nice like that.

Anyway – now that I have two children at the school, I’ve noticed that the PTO is trying to lure parents into participating because apparently they have nobody. They have stared scheduling cute song and dance performances presented by our own tiny humans at monthly meetings. Come see your child sing holiday songs! Enjoy the latest display of math melodies! Let’s create a fake award ceremony just to force 200 parents and kids to sit in a overheated gym on a Thursday night!

It’s a conspiracy, I tell you.

The latest escapade involved all the first graders presenting a show about healthy eating. The kids got up to sing about choosing the right foods, portion size, and all the colors of fruits and vegetables. Cute, right?

Maybe. If your not paying too much attention to the fact that at least 5 times a month the PTO is holding some sort of proceed night at a local fast food restaurant. Come to McDonalds night! Don’t forget to participate in Domino’s Night! Buy giant tubs of cookie dough for our latest fundraiser! Remember, kids, the class that contributes the most on these nights wins a pizza, soda, and movie party at school!

Great! I get to take my kids to a fast food restaurant and load them up on processed crap just so you can take away their educational time to fill them with more crap and sedentary activity! That sounds bloody brilliant, PTO! Way to go! And, P.S., thank you for the multiple automated phone calls during the week reminding me exactly when these shindigs are happening!

Tell me – how is this healthy?! How is selling processed cookie dough that has no nutritional information listed in the brochure or the website a part of healthy eating? How is loading them up on pizza, soda, and french fries helping them make good choices? And, how is it that I seem to be one of the only parents that sees the irony?

I suppose I could get involved again and attempt to cause a suburban uproar that completely messes with the entire public education system. But, Jamie Oliver kind of has that covered. So, I choose a different route.

I say no. I say ‘No, kids, we are not going to McDonald’s.‘ I say ‘No, children, I’m not buying that crappy cookie dough. But, if you’d like to make real cookies with mommy we can make that happen.’ I exercise my right as a parent to make better choices for my kids. I exercise my right to not fall for the gimmicks of the typo-filled PTO. I exercise my right to be a dropout.

Maybe I should ask for my 10 bucks back – just to prove a point. Of course, if they can define oxymoron, I might just let them keep it – you know, for the proofreading budget.

Filed Under: PTO, reflections, school

A lesson in independence from a robot

March 6, 2011 By Neena 10 Comments

I am one of those parents that is a firm believer in teaching my children independence. While I want them to grow up feeling that their home is a safe place to learn, try, and possibly fall, I do believe that sending them into the world with the ability to guide and take care of themselves is one of the most valuable things I can give them.

I especially value independence when it comes to their school work. While the control freak in me wants to hover while they practice handwriting or complete art projects, I know that the pride they feel completing their math or sentences entirely on their own is key to building their confidence. Is their work perfect? No. They’re kids, for pete’s sake! Am I sure they tried their best? Yes. Do I believe that working through it on their own will allow certain skills to improve with time? Absolutely. While I might guide them to discover their own mistakes, I rarely point out what needs to be fixed. When they turn in their work or projects at school, they know (and I know) it is 100% authentic of their skills, abilities, and efforts.

This past week, though, I learned that this isn’t always the case with their classmates. My 6 year old, Amelia, had a week-long lesson on robots. Each first grade class was doing an entire week around the robot theme and it all ended on Friday with a presentation of each child’s homemade robot. I asked Amelia to practice drawing what she wanted her robot to look like before she began building it. When she showed me her final sketch I went to the craft store and picked up some Styrofoam blocks and a few other supplies she might like to use to bring her robot to life. One evening last week I put all the supplies on the table and she began to build her robot. With the exception of cutting the metal coil that attached to the base, she made the entire thing all by herself.

She was so proud when it was all done! She wrote her report, practiced presenting, and couldn’t wait to take it to school.

When she got home on Friday she was unbelievably disappointed. When I asked her how her presentation went she became upset and said it was terrible. After she calmed down and was able to explain a bit more, I learned that her classmates didn’t like her robot. So many of them came with 4 and 5 foot tall robots – some of which even moved! She told me that all her friends had their parents build the robots and she was one of the only kids in her class that built the robot herself.

My heart hurt for her. I know how much effort she put into building her robot and I know it reflected a great amount of effort on her part. But, how can a robot built by a 6 year old compare to robots built by parents?! I just don’t get it. The assignment was for the kids to build their own robots, not for the parents to build robots for them. What lessons are parents teaching their kids if the just do the work for them? Is something like this going to start a trend where in 10 years the parents will be completing the science projects and writing the English essays? I believe in helping and guiding our children, but I do not believe in doing things for them. That’s not the kind of parent I want to be!

I told her later that evening that I was so proud of her effort and she admitted that, even though the other kids didn’t like her robot, she thought it was pretty cool (and she loves that the antennas look like they are blowing in the wind!) We took her robot and put it in her room to display.

While she may forget, I want to remember her first school project – something she created all on her own. I want to remember the chance she took took in creating it independently and I want to take to heart the lesson it taught both of us.

And I want to say to all you parents that do your child’s project, homework, and art crafts for them – you suck. Seriously.

Filed Under: amelia, kids, school

The Smell of New

January 7, 2011 By Neena 5 Comments

Can I tell you a secret?

I love books. I’ve been having a 32 year love affair with books. If woman and object could marry I’d totally make that commitment with my books. Or my coffee maker.

No. I’m pretty sure my books.

Hubby and I joke that our decorating style is Early American Paperback. Our house is about filled to the brim with books. And I refuse to part with any of them – with the exception of the cookbook an ex-boyfriend gave me that I recently put in a box of donations for a friend’s new thrift store because the feng shui of that hanging around was just…bad.

Can I tell you another secret?

I like to smell my new books.

I’m the girl that arrives home from the bookstore and, before I will even crack open the spine, I’m flipping the pages and breathing in that wonderful, new book aroma. The pages are still crisp and cold – you open them just a bit and you’re overwhelmed with that clean, literary fragrance.

Oh, I love it.

My books for Spring semester are sitting on a shelf right now. Every once in a while when I walk past them I’ll pick one up and inhale the newness.

Someone should totally make a candle with new book smell.

But they sit there on that shelf and it’s like they beckon me. Psst, Neena! Come flip through me! You know you want to smell my newness and envision all the upcoming highlighter marks and Twain-style notes in the margins.

And, I can’t resist. I pick one up, caress and appreciate it’s pristine existence, and lean in for just a quick note of that glorious bouquet and all the learning potential it evokes within me.

I’m not weird. I promise.

Filed Under: books, school

I totally wish I could blame this on being menstrual!

May 11, 2010 By Neena 9 Comments

Most days I think I’m pretty good at this mothering thing. The kids smile, they tend to look sorta clean, and they’re still happy enough to tell me good-night. Success, right?

Today I’m just not feeling it. Today I’m having one of those days where I’m totally questioning why God decided I would make a good mother three times over.

Cause, this gig? Today I ain’t got it!

And, it’s all the fault of a swimsuit and a calendar mistake. I wrote the date down wrong for my son’s water day at school. I sent him to school yesterday in his swim trucks only to be told at carpool that afternoon that water day was tomorrow and my son was uber-upset and how could you possibly get the date wrong and put us all through the hell of dealing with your anxious, worry-wart of a child!?!

So, today he melted down. He melted down because, again, I dressed him in his swim trunks and swore to him that today was, in fact, the real water day.

He believed me about as much as I believe anything Obama says.

(that’s less than none in case you didn’t know!)

He refused to go to school dressed that way and proceeded to change himself out of his swim trunks and into regular clothes. So, I let him.

I let him change and wear whatever he wanted. I wrote a note to his teach explaining the whole thing and sent his anxious little butt on to school.

Then I came home, called my husband, and tried to inform him that our children are weird little goobers with hearts of gold and that we must start homeschooling immediately so that we never have situations like this again and so that our children will have the freedom to express their anxiety and weirdness in the comfort of their own home and that they can make friends with other weird homeschoolers that love God and eat paste and have fascinations with the Amish and take swimming lessons at weird times and play violin.

He didn’t answer the phone.

And, I’m not menstrual.

So, I got nothin’!

Seriously, though. This homeschooling thing? I’ve been feeling the pull for a while now. I wish I knew the answer…

Filed Under: anxiety, daily grind, kids, school

Once upon a time there was a girl that felt good about herself.

March 30, 2010 By Neena 13 Comments

I’ve never been the girl with great self-esteem. I’ve never really exuded confidence in my looks or abilities.

Except in one area.

School.

I’ve always been good at school. I like the studying, the time management required, and the ability to organize, color-code, hole punch, label, and clean edge my way to a perfectly created backpack.

Weird, I know. But, a trip to the office supply store and an afternoon of studying is enough to get me all hot and bothered! Add the smell of new books to the mix and I may very well get arrested for doing something I’m not supposed to in public!

But, I digress.

I’m good at school and it’s the one area where I feel a sense of confidence in my abilities and how I carry myself.

But, what happens when others poke fun at the one thing you feel good about?

I’ve been experiencing that lately. My Type A-ness has been the butt of many jokes.

I was working on a statistics project lately when I attempted to inform my group members of my progress only to have them laugh and joke about the fact that I was working on something not due for many, many weeks. Here’s what you do: you joke with the Type A group member and tell them they didn’t do much on the first project and watch them do all the work on the next ones!

Yes, that was actually said in my presence.

I came to a meeting recently with a folder of information to present on my plans for a term presentation only to be ridiculed for essentially being a goody-goody.

I asked a question about the length of a couple articles only to hear oh, I forgot that someone actually does the readings.

I spent my weekend stressing attempting to finish an essay for one of my classes. My husband was completely on board to help me, tend the babies, or whatever I needed so I could get it done – until he realized it isn’t due until April 14.

Then he laughed at his weird, crazy, obsessed wife.

Now, I have my reasons for wanting to work ahead and get things off my to-do list. Sometimes it’s the fact that I have 3 kids and waiting until the last minute is not an option. Sometimes it’s me planning ahead and trying to tackle several things so I can give a future project my full attention.

My organization and working style might be amusing to others, but when did it become such a joke? Why is it such a joke? Do others even realize the damage they are causing by constantly ripping off the band-aid before the previous wound has had time to heal?

I’m sure it’s partly my fault because I never say anything – confrontation is not my strong suit either. Maybe I’m just an easy target.

But, lately the one thing I usually feel pretty good about is becoming a weight, a tear in my heart. Sure, to others I’m probably overreaching. Just tell them to shove it! Yea, not that easy.

The one bit of true confidence I had in myself is deflating – quickly. And, I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t expect others to change how they do things to accommodate my work style, but is there really a need to constantly make fun? Occasional joking is one thing – this not occasional and it doesn’t feel like joking anymore.

I’m not sure what I expect to be fixed by spewing this here. All I know is I’ve lost quite a bit of sleep lately struggling to understand why my good traits are suddenly worth attacking – especially by adults that should honestly know better.

Now, if you’ll excuse me I must go attend to the 47 pimples that have recently appeared on my face. Maybe they’re from stress or worry. Either way they’re not helping my plight!

Filed Under: confidence, school, self

What ever happened to recess in The South!?

December 15, 2009 By Neena 5 Comments

I recently wrote this for Deep South Moms, but would love to get more feedback on the issue.

My oldest child started Kindergarten this past Fall in what I would consider a typical public school here in the Deep South. It’s not too big and not too small; it’s just a typical suburban school. I remember when she started school that she was so excited to learn. She couldn’t wait to read and loved practicing her handwriting so that she could keep a journal ‘just like mommy.’ She was eager to leave for school each day and couldn’t wait to return to school the next.

That excitement began to wear off as the school year moved along and it didn’t surprise me at all. But, what I didn’t realize until recently, is that her lack of excitement may very well be boredom. She comes home from school with a backpack full of worksheets. Countless worksheets. She doesn’t tell me much about what she does at school because, according to her, they don’t do much of anything. I figured she was just being a bit dramatic in her recall of school events. Until she told me about recess.

The other morning we were looking for her extra hat and gloves before she left for school when she informed me that her class doesn’t take recess outside anymore.

“What do you mean you don’t go outside and play anymore?”

“Well, we have not gone outside for a while and my teacher said we won’t go outside fore the rest of the year because it’s too cold to play outside.”

“What!?”

“We still have recess, though.”

“Oh, do you just play in the gym?”

“No, usually we just watch TV.”

I was shocked. Shocked. My brilliant child is spending her recess time watching TV. Not only is she being inundated with countless worksheets throughout the day, but she isn’t even given time to run and play and get fresh air. I have not talked to the teacher or the school yet, but here in the South it’s rarely too cold to play outside. I grew up far North of here and I can tell you without a doubt that there certainly are kids having recess in December above the Mason-Dixon line!

Once the shock wore off a bit I was faced with the question of whether my child is actually receiving a quality education. Sure, we do our best at home to supplement, encourage, and provide other learning opportunities. But, the bulk of her education is supposed to be happening at school – the place she spends a good six hour a day. And, it isn’t. She’s coming home bored, defeated, and without the excitement to learn that I’ve seen in her since she was old enough to sit on her own. She’s losing it. She’s losing a love of learning and a love of school before she ever really gets started. I don’t know what the solution is, but I know that, as a parent, I will do anything in my power to try and fix the situation.

Maybe it’s as simple as a bit of fresh air during recess. Or, maybe it’s dependent on something bigger – like homeschooling. I do know that we better figure it out pretty darn quick! I would hate to have her lose that love of learning before she’s really even gotten started.

Filed Under: mia, school

“Redshirting”

November 29, 2009 By Neena Leave a Comment

I recently had a conference with my son’s preschool teacher. While she raved about his intelligence and his heart of gold, she mentioned that we may want to consider waiting an extra year to enroll him in Kindergarten.

Her reasoning was simple: while he’s extremely smart he tends to be a perfectionist and she’s concerned that he’ll move through his school work too slowly. Plus, if we wait a year to enroll him he’ll be the oldest and more mature. Bottom line: he’s a boy with a Summer birthday.

This is not the first time I have been given this advice. Ever since he began preschool at the age of 3 we’ve been told that a late birthday should mean waiting a year to start kindergarten. Nothing seems to be of any relevance other than his birthday – at least that is the impression I am getting.

I have been struggling with this for a while. I have been researching the advantages and disadvantages to the point where my head was spinning. And, I think I have finally figured out why this whole ‘holding back’ thing bothers me:

It’s the newest trend for parents.

I am bothered by the fact that the entire idea of starting a child in school a year late is becoming the cool thing to do. While I understand the maturity thing I am completely bothered by the fact that caring about one’s effort and being a perfectionist is a bad thing.

I have always followed my instincts with my children – especially with my son. I know that ultimately his father and I will make the right decision, but I can’t help but want to scream when someone automatically assumes that a late birthday should translate to waiting an entire year.

I would love to hear what others have to say about this whole ‘redshirting’ debate. Do you believe that waiting is best? Or, are you more old school in your thoughts? Talk amongst yourselves.

Filed Under: jacob, kindergarten, school

They’re all 23 and I’m shopping for Wiggles tickets. What’s the problem with that picture!?

August 13, 2009 By Neena 5 Comments

I went to a meeting yesterday to orientate myself to my new department, program, and professors.

It was informative.

And completely fucking intimidating.

I was actually relieved when this really old guy sat down next to me. It felt comforting to know I wasn’t the oldest one in the program. I was just about to say this to him when he introduced himself as one of my professors. He looked like he’d been spending the last few years on his prized possession of a boat drinking Pepto and Scotch. Totally read those signals wrong!

I listened intently to the vast amount of information being given and smiled politely as folks made their introductions. After the orientation everyone adjourned to a local restaurant for some outside social time. At that point I headed home.

I felt like I had tested my comfort boundary enough for one day and wanted nothing more than to drive home, get in my yoga pants, and patch my bubble before it completely deflated. I’ll make friends next week. When it’s required.

In the mean time I feel the need to buy a crisp white oxford shirt and keep mints in my pocket. Or bribe the faculty with a single malt.

Filed Under: school