marriage - hooey!critic

He Said/She Said: Who’s right?

April 1, 2012 By Neena 10 Comments

Let’s start with the current marriage debate: the dishwasher.

We were cleaning up dinner tonight when I noticed that the silverware in the dishwasher was loaded incorrectly. I quickly turned them the right way while Hubby was out of the room and continued with whatever task I was doing. He came into the kitchen moments later, looked at the open dishwasher, and immediately flipped the silverware BACK the way it was!

Suddenly there was a heated debate – me yelling at him that I just changed the silverware – him laughing because he “believes” his way is correct and stating some nonsense about them not getting clean if they point down.

So, decide please.

Hubby: Loads all the silverware in the dishwasher so the handles point down and the part you eat from points up. His theory: they get cleaner this way.

Me: Loads all the silverware in the dishwasher so the handles point up thus insuring that no grubby hands touch the clean part when the dishwasher is unloaded.

Clearly I should be named the winner. Right?! Right…

p.s. I’ve never had issues with the silverware not getting clean when they are loaded my way. I’m just sayin…

Filed Under: marriage

Caught Up

May 2, 2011 By Neena 3 Comments

I’ll be the first to admit that I got caught up in all the Royal Wedding hoopla. I read the stories, watched the behind-the-scenes specials, and woke up early Friday morning to watch the ceremony live on television.

I smiled and giggled at how beautiful the bride looked. I said ‘Awe!’ when I saw William wink at Kate during the ceremony. I even watched the coverage a second time later in the day so I could prolong the fairy tale just a bit more.

I reminisced about my own wedding back in 2002. I was only 23. Andy and I had a very small ceremony at a quiet chapel in Gatelinburg, TN. I got lost driving to our ceremony. Apparently my sense of direction couldn’t help me navigate from our cabin on the mountain to the little chapel on the strip.

One of the only traditions we kept was choosing not to see one another from the night before the wedding until the actual ceremony. While I was attempting to arrive at the chapel and was already into dangerously late territory, my dear mother-in-law actually said to Andy: “You know, she’s not here yet!”

That scared the crap out of him. I actually found out later that his biggest fear was me not showing up. Or passing out at the alter from his heart condition.

How could I not show up and marry this beautiful man?!

Our ceremony lasted just over 7 minutes. It was simple, quiet, and entirely about being married versus having a wedding. When the ceremony was over we quickly slipped away from our family and went out to have a crazy meal in a dive bar where we laughed and giggled at the fact that we were newlyweds.

We came home from out 4-day trip and bought a house.

It’s been 3 kids, numerous pets, several sizes, and multiple marriage spats since 2002. But, it’s been pretty damn near perfect. Someone mentioned on Facebook the other day that this whole Royal Wedding/Fairy Tale was just a social construct that we buy into.

Perhaps it is.

But when you’ve been lucky enough to experience the real thing, I say sometimes it’s okay to believe in the magic of fairy tales.

Filed Under: hubby, marriage, photos

Shouldn’t it be a rule of marriage?

November 23, 2010 By Neena 8 Comments

The kids are spending the evening with their grandparents tonight. Hubby and I took this evening as an opportunity to run to the mall area and shop for Charlotte’s upcoming 3rd birthday. Thanks to work schedules, driving times, and the actual location of the mall it just made sense for use to meet there. We met at Toys R Us and decided to leave his car in the parking lot while we ran our numerous shopping errands.

By 8:45 or so we were done with our shopping and I drove him back to his car. We actually lamented for a moment about how weird it was to be driving home separately from our evening out – not something we normally do. I waited in the car to make sure he got into his care safely because I’m considerate like that.

I pulled out of the parking lot and went up to the red light. I waited. And waited.

Then I called him…

Where are you? Are you okay? You’re not behind me yet!

What?!

Why aren’t you behind me following me home?

I’m not going that way. I’m going a different way.

Why would you go a different way and not follow me home!?

Because I know how to get there.

That’s not the point! You’re supposed to follow me just in case there is a problem or deer or something. This way we have each other right there and we can keep each other safe if something terrible happens on the road!

*Laughter* Huh!?

Yes! You’re supposed to follow me home. That’s the way it’s supposed to be done. What if I need you? And now you’re going a completely different way and I don’t have you behind me and I don’t know who’s tailing me and it’s supposed to be you, but no! You took a different way! Now you’re going to get home faster than me and I’m going to be all alone on the road while you’re home doing whatever!

You mean we’re not racing?

No we’re not racing!! I’m your wife. You’re supposed to follow me home and make sure I get there safely.

Do you want me to turn around?

No.

Do you want me to get off the Interstate an exit early and wait for you in a parking lot so we can finish the trip together?

No.

So, you want me to just finish driving home?

I guess. But next time remember we have to follow each other. That’s what married people do.

Seriously!?

Yes, seriously! *me making scratching noises*

What was that!?

*In my most dramatic Meryl Streep Voice* The sound of you cutting my soul as I drive home without you behind me.

Okay. Bye.

——

So enlighten me, Internet people. Who’s right in this situation? Me or him?

Filed Under: conversation, marriage

gas

April 22, 2010 By Neena 6 Comments

I called my husband on the way to class yesterday morning…

Me: Oh no!

Hubby: What’s the matter?

Me: I was on my way to class and I ran out of gas!

Hubby: What!? Where are you?

Me: I’m leaving the gas station.

Hubby: Oh, so you made it to the gas station?

Me: Yea. I didn’t actually run out of gas, but my light came on that says I’m about to so I had to to stop and get gas. But, I couldn’t find a gas station because I kept thinking there was one at at certain point and then there wasn’t one where I though there was and in the mean time I drove past like 3 stations. Finally I pulled over.

Hubby: So, you’re calling to tell me you stopped and got gas?

Me: Well, yes. But, it was more traumatic than that. I don’t like surprises.

Hubby: I have to get back to work, honey. I love you.

I swear I heard him whisper freak as we hung up.

Filed Under: conversation, marriage

Marriage Therapy: Part 3

April 13, 2010 By Neena 3 Comments

I don’t sing in this one. I promise.

And, I refrain from hitting my husband the entire time.

I think they call that a breakthrough!

marriage therapy

January 7, 2010 By Neena 11 Comments

Over the course of the holiday season my husband and I discovered something…

Super Mario Brothers.

The game itself isn’t that exciting – unless you were an original Nintendo geek and it was the only video game you were ever really good at and you finally have something that serves to exercise your competitive nature.

But, I digress.

What we discovered is that playing this game is like inexpensive marriage counseling. Plus, if you videotape yourselves playing and watch it later you learn a multitude of things about yourself. We’re thinking we might need to move our sessions up to three times a week – we’re making such progress! *snort*

BTW – this video went on for over 22 minutes. I’ve only subjected you to about 2 of them. You’re welcome.

Goodbye forever.

Filed Under: hubby, marriage, video

Courting

September 8, 2009 By Neena 6 Comments

I remember when my husband was courting me many years ago. We didn’t live in the same state at the time so our courting rituals were usually limited to the weekends. There were the phone calls that lasted for hours, filled with meaningful discussions of literature, politics, family, and the future. There were little notes left in the mail and the occasional floral arrangement delivered in the afternoon. There were the smiles, the electric energy of just holding hands, and the stares from across the table that could easily rip through your soul.

There were the dinners that you wanted to last forever because nothing could be more amazing than the conversation and the company of this person. Right here. Right now.

Then there was the sex.

Oh, the sex.

It was that raw, uninhibited, power sex that left you exhausted, satisfied, and completely understanding of every scene ever described in a romance novel. You’d go through the motions of dating just to get to the next point where you could be naked together. And, it didn’t matter if you ever left the bedroom – food and drink could be delivered and you already stocked up on condoms and cigarettes before the weekend even arrived.

It was blissful. And, you begin to think that this could be it. You could easily spend the rest of your life enjoying the thrills of conversation and sex with this person.

So, you do it. You make it all legal in front of God and family. You take his name and you both makes all the promises you can that will possibly help you capture and bottle the feelings you are having right at that very moment.

And then it stops.

The flowers are less frequent. The kids and the stress from work leave you too tired to do anything more than touch feet under the covers. You find yourself not caring as much about your appearance and he rarely brushes his teeth before coming in for some morning nookie.

The mystery is gone and has been from the moment he saw the head crown five years ago and you asked him to examine something that you were too embarrassed to even show the doctor. You find yourself rolling your eyes at his antics and he doesn’t find your quirks nearly as endearing as they once were.

You become stuck. You become routine.

You become like everyone else even though you vowed you’d never let it happen.

Date night now are usually spent stocking up on diapers and ass wipes at the local warehouse store and finding a restaurant that isn’t too expensive, won’t cause heartburn, and won’t be so noisy that you won’t be able to notice the fact that your not talking much anyway.

Phone conversations now come when one or both of you are distracted by the mountain of tasks on your plate and usually consist of asking how the other is doing while not really able to handle or do anything if the answer is anything beyond ‘fine.’ You remember to say ‘I love you’ hoping that if the words are said enough it’ll help the rest take care of itself.

But, it doesn’t because you’re rolling your eyes and he’s only half paying attention to the fact that he’s repeated the same two questions over and over for every phone conversation you’ve had in the last few months.

You don’t even wear your wedding ring anymore because you’ve gotten so fat over the years that the damn thing can’t be sized up anymore. And, you feel weird and unnaturally single walking around with your three kids at the WalMart while the Coca-Cola guy smiles at you. But, who wants to spend money on a ring when the credit card bill is getting bigger, the car payment is due, and you’re desperate for some extra money to buy bras for your boobs that have morphed into something almost unnatural over the years.

You remind each other in passing that maybe, just maybe it’s time to get away and reconnect. It’s time to remember why you like each other. You both agree and then the conversation dies. The ‘getaway’ never happens because of schedules. And life. And money. But, you smile and whisper ‘I love you’ hoping that’ll be enough until you can figure out how to reconnect.

And, in that moment you realize that perhaps you need to court each other in an attempt to fall in love again…

This time as who you’ve become and not who you were…