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What I Learned This Week (vol. 15)

November 24, 2009 By 6 Comments

It’s been quite a while since I’ve done this carnival and I’ve really missed it!  I have not done one of these since August.  And, holy crap, it’s November!  But, I’m sitting at my parents house in Ohio wondering if it’s going to snow and suddenly thought that it would be nice to share some of the things I’ve learned on our family adventure.

  • I’ve learned that my parents house is a death trap and I’ve seen entirely too many accidents and blood for one trip.  
  • It is entirely possible to get bit by a horse and still have a finger.  My little Charlotte is sporting the proof.  
  • All five of us are sleeping in one room and we might just be the noisiest damn sleepers ever!
  • I learned that my kids will actually eat meatloaf! Sadly it’s not the kind I make.  
  • The aesthetic beauty of a Christmas tree decorated by those under 4 feet is astounding!
  • I learned that Ohio is really freakin’ cold in November.  I used to know this fact, but living in the South beat it out of me.  
These are just some of the highlights of the first three days.  We’re going to be here until Friday and I have no doubt that I’m bound to learn more – especially about the numerous noisy animal keychains my mother gave the baby to ‘play with.’  Thanks for that, Mom.  Really.
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What I Learned This Week (vol. 14)

August 4, 2009 By 3 Comments

It’s only Tuesday and so far the week has been kind of a bitch! Pardon the language, but in one day I managed to send my baby to kindergarten, fall down the steps, get eaten by red ants, and over salt the beef burgundy. My husband leaves for Texas this morning and I’m faced with a week of doing it alone. So, pardon me if my outlook is less than chipper. I’ll be nicer later.

So, happy carnival! Here’s what I’ve been a’lernin!
  • Thanks to a wonky fuel gage and too much time on my hands I can now add ‘Auto Mechanic’ to my list of Google degrees.
  • I learned it is entirely possible to get tipsy off a glass of wine – especially when you husband switches your normal glass with one that is bigger and you’re too tired to notice or care.
  • I learned that saving a few bucks is not worth venturing to the school supply section of the store on Tax Free Weekend. It’s enough to make a gal want to find a blankie and huddle in the corner sucking her thumb.
  • I learned that ‘Shark Week’ is getting a bit repetitive. Seriously. We get it. Sharks = Scary.
  • I learned that when your mother-in-law calls and leaves you a message mentioning something about salt and beef burgundy it’s important to actually listen to and remember the message otherwise, well, you end up with an over salted dinner.
Here’s hoping for a bug free, fall-less Tuesday.
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What I Learned This Week (vol. 13)

July 21, 2009 By 13 Comments

With my much anticipated trip to BlogHer looming later this week, I thought I’d dedicate this week’s carnival to…

wait for it…
Travel!
I’m sure you’re all jumping with excitement, but settle down. I’ve got important stuff to say. Or whatever.
  • I learned that I can never travel anywhere without a book. It does not matter where I’m going or even if I’ll have time to read; there is always a book in my bag or somewhere in the car.
  • I tend to over pack. Even though I may plan outfits all the way down to shoes and accessories, I always seem to bring way too much stuff.
  • I learned that apparently I’ll have to pay like 15 bucks to check my bag when I leave later this week. Hubby tried to get me to fit everything in his suitcase that is small enough to carry on the plan. I laughed and kindly shook my head at the sweet, but naive gesture of my husband.
  • In the midst of packing my toiletries and refilling my travel shampoo bottles I learned that the fact that I use a label maker to mark everything is unusual, strange, and worth at least a good chuckle from any man that is aware of such labeling.
  • I learned that, in the age of digital pictures, I have no photos of my children in my wallet. If someone asks to see my kids I guess I’ll just pull out Macbook (not that I think of him as a child or anything – he just holds all the pictures) *caressing Macbook secretly as I soothe his hurt feeling*
And, here’s the best one…
  • I learned that I was chosen as a winner of the Johnson and Johnson sponsored trip to Blogher! This means that the anxiety I had of paying for the trip is all but diminished thanks to my luck and the grand prize. So, everyone send waves and hugs to those kind folks for helping me get to Chicago! Oh, and run out and buy some Listerine Agent Cool Blue because they’re the specific product that made my trip possible. HOLLA!
Am I just too uncool to pull off a ‘HOLLA‘?
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What I Learned This Week (vol. 12)

July 7, 2009 By 9 Comments


So we all survived the big holiday weekend! The blog world seemed to be slow yesterday ~ I’m assuming because everyone was recovering from the combination of parties and explosives.

But, we’re all back in the swing of things ~ or at least faking it really well. And, what better way to have a Tuesday then with a little carnival! For today’s carnival I’ve compiled a list of realizations I’ve had lately and not so much of things I’ve learned. Does that make sense?
  • I realized that sometimes it is totally worth it to go to a party without kids! Oh, the fun us grownups can have!
  • I learned that it is entirely possible for me to drink more than Hubby and still have him wake up with the hangover! Here’s to my chick beer!
  • I learned that there is also a small chance that my vision will not return to normal after 1 eye injury, 4 eye doctor visits, 3 prescription drops, and one evening with my google medical degree.
  • I realized that my oldest starts kindergarten in less than a month. Less than a month! Excuse me while I grab the tissues…
  • I also learned not to get offended when my children cheer for Hamburger Helper and snub my glorious, homemade creations. I’m a great cooker ~ they’d know this if they would just taste stuff!
  • Oh, and just to save you the horror later ~ I learned not to google ‘firework injuries’ right before you cook Hamburger Helper. It ain’t pretty!
Later!
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What I Learned This Week (vol. 11)

June 23, 2009 By 12 Comments

My mother is coming to visit today. She’ll be landing around noon and we all plan to pick her up at that airport.

Even Hubby. He took the day off work just to drive to the airport and pick up his mother-in-law. He does this solely because he refuses to pay the bill for a taxi from the airport to our house knowing that Hell would freeze over before his wife would get on the Interstate ~ even if it was for family.
On that note I thought I’d dedicated this volume of ‘What I Learned This Week’ to my mother. She’ll be here for 7 days. Seven. Days.
  • I learned that I worry more about the cleanliness of my house when my mother comes than I do when my mother-in-law comes.
  • It is never a good idea to schedule your consultation at the Fat Clinic the day your mother flies in ~ it’s not good for the blood pressure.
  • Some people say ‘Happy Wife, Happy Life.’ I say ‘Lots of coffee, Happy Grandma.’
  • Despite the fact that we are both on diets, I’ll probably gain 3 pounds while my mother is here and I’ll tell you why: her peanut butter cookies.
  • It has been quite a while since she has come down for a visit and she’s about to learn exactly how much energy and mischievous ideas are contained in those three little bodies.
Welcome, Mom.
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What I Learned This Week (vol. 10)

June 9, 2009 By 7 Comments

It has actually be a few weeks since I’ve participated in the carnival. I blame it on the chaos that comes with the end of school and the sudden jump to having three kids home.  All day. But, I’ve returned and I’ve been doing a whole bunch of learnin’ in the process!
  • I’ve learned that there is an art to making pizza dough.  I have not mastered it and after 4 tries I was okay with being a quitter.  
  • I learned that the maxi dresses from Old Navy are quite possibly the most comfortable things I’ve ever had on my body.  
  • I learned that if I had to choose one junk food to take to a desert island it would be these!
  • I learned that it only takes picking two bad movies before a wife can lose all movie picking privileges.  
  • And, to my husband’s wallet and dismay, if left to my own devices I’ll end up picking the uber-expensive bag as my ‘back to school’ necessity.  But, in my defense, I did find it on sale and got free shipping!
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What I Learned This Week (vol. 9)

May 19, 2009 By 12 Comments

Hey Folks!
Happy Tuesday too y’all.  My cat is in the midst of spewing chunks under the bed as I type this, so I better make it quick.  
Speaking of cats…
  • I learned that a bottle of liquid medicine for bloody cat poo costs $59 – and that’s just the first attempt to ‘shotgun’ the problem.
  • I learned that it is entirely possible to neglect your children for the shiny, new seduction of a Blackberry Curve.  
  • I learned that there is absolutely no polite way to tell someone to use the fan in the bathroom.  
  • I discovered Zac Brown and how absolutely adorable he is.  This lead to a realization that I have a fondness for facial hair…and male nurses.  
  • And, to add just a bit of randomness to the list, I learned that your eyeballs never change size.  They are the same size at birth as they are when you die.  Weird, but true.  You can thank the male nurse for that one!
That’s all. 
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What I learned this week (vol. 8)

May 5, 2009 By 7 Comments

It’s been a fairly interesting couple of weeks.  School is winding down and that means parties, teacher appreciation, school programs, and last minute requests for money for t-shirts, gifts, and special lunches.  Oy!

Slightly overwhelming if you don’t take pills to calm your nerves. Luckily for me I just got my refill!
Anyways.  
  • I’ve learned that it isn’t the private preschool tuition that will kill ya.  It’s the constant request for ‘extras.’
  • I’ve learned that every year about this time I get the urge to chop off all my hair.  And, surely by now I should have learned that doing so is a very bad idea.  Someday I’ll share pictures of The Bad Haircut of ’07.
  • The key to a happy marriage is air conditioning. 
  • It also happens to be the key to a good sex life.  
  • My children are the worst joke tellers.  EVER!  It’s pretty close to painful to listen to them attempt a punchline.  
  • I learned that I was accepted to the Ph.D. program and will be a doctoral candidate come Fall!  Squeee!
  • If you want to see your kids turn in to little listening chore machines just by a Leapster and hold it hostage.  Amazing results!
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What I Learned This Week (vol. 7)

April 21, 2009 By 4 Comments

Are you ready for another exciting rendition of What I Learned This Week?  If you have time swing over to Jo-Lynne’s blog and show some love to our carnival creator. 

 And while you’re there please tell her that MamaNeena would seriously like to win one of the gorgeous bags she keeps giving away! I don’t have luck in her giveaways, but perhaps if y’all become my pimps then I’ll get lucky.  No pun intended.  
  • sand + curly hair = disaster! I swear that one of these days my daughter is going to be sent home because the resemblance between lice eggs and sand is uncanny.  
  • when searching for images of ‘lice eggs’ that you’re considering posting to your blog as a nice visual, do not be surprised when images of pubic lice (aka: crabs) pops up.  And certainly don’t ask yourself ‘what is that!?’ as you move to click.  
  • it is entirely possible to gain 47 pounds as you ingest just a bit of icing while working on your child’s birthday cake.
  • buying pants is depressing.  Buying nothing but pants and underwear is really depressing.
  • rolling out fondant is surprisingly therapeutic. 
  • When you’re forced to carry a pet’s fecal sample in your purse as you make your way to the vet, remember to seal the plastic bag of poo in an envelope.  It reminds them of getting mail and everyone likes mail, thus helping to even out the whole ‘poo in a baggie’ situation.  
Happy Tuesday, y’all!
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What I Learned This Week (vol. 6)

April 7, 2009 By 8 Comments


It seems that most of the things I have been lucky enough to learn this week have somehow or another revolved around the animal kingdom.  Perhaps it is because my adorable son is an animal fanatic.  Or, perhaps it’s because my dear mother-in-law has this uncanny ability to buy the weirdest, most unnatural, but factual kids books ever published.  Perhaps I should be concerned that so many of them revolve around feces…

But, on with the carnival!
  • I learned that when it comes to finding snakes in the backyard it’s better to kill first and identify later.  
  • I’m actually pretty good with a machete.  Of course when I was holding the machete during our snake hunt my hubby made a point to mention several times that I needed to ‘stand over there with that thing.’  He must just be jealous of my moves!
  • The skin of a sockeye salmon actually starts rotting while its still alive!  Water insects eat the rotting skin and then the baby salmon that later hatch eat the insects.  I prefer Elton John’s circle of life to this horror.  
  • American robins carry poop from their babies in their mouths as a way of cleaning their nests.  Um, I guess living in shit isn’t an options for these folks.  
  • There are some turtles that can breathe through their butts.  I, on the other hand, can just blow air from mine.  I’m just sayin’…
Most of these facts that I had the pleasure of learning this week came from a book called Nature’s Yucky!  I’m sure you’re ready to run right out and buy it so that you have something new to discuss this Easter dinner! 
You’re welcome.  
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