book review - hooey!critic

Seasons of Motherhood

March 11, 2013 by Neena 2 Comments

It’s 65+ degrees right now and I’m sitting in my backyard staring at the barren trees. There are a few tufts of grass greening up and poking through, but the trees continue to show the remnants of a cold Winter. Within another month those trees will be bursting with various shades of green and some will even shower us with flowers that almost make the trees look like they are covered in snow. So quickly this back yard will change from dry and see-through to lush and full.

Motherhood often makes me feel the same way.

I have moments of parenthood that feel more like the naked landscape of winter – where I am barely holding on while wondering ff things will ever change into something more. These are the moments where I question if I am a good parent. Do I love my kids enough? Am I doing enough to make sure they are learning what it means to be humble or sensitive or inclusive? Am I making the right choices for schools and extracurricular experiences? Should I help them floss better? Should I be teaching them to do their own laundry or giving them more time to just be children?

These are the thought that run through my head while I’m trying to fall asleep. Am I doing enough?

Strangely, though, in such a quick moment things can change. It’s a split second really. In the midst of questioning if I am doing enough or if I doing it correctly I see something emerge from my children.

My 5 year old looks at me and tells me that she won’t sing taunting cheers with her softball teammates because she doesn’t want the other team to have hurt feelings.

Or when my 8 year old asks if she can use her own money to buy bird seed so she can be prepared if the barn swallows come back this Spring to live on our porch.

Or when my 7 year old who tries to turn away when another kid in his karate class is testing for a stripe because he truly believes that one less person watching might keep this kids from getting nervous.

These moments help me to believe that I must be doing something right. I must be getting it right somehow.

I don’t see these moments everyday. Or maybe I’m just not noticing them on a daily basis. Maybe I should.

Because I need these moments. I need them to pull me through when I’m so unsure of my ability to be a good mother to these amazing little people. I need them as reminders that there is so much good happening even when there is a tantrum or spill or sibling spat over toys. All those must be growing moments as well – even if I fail to see it in the moment.

But for now I’ll keep watching the grass. I’ll listen to the last of the dry leaves rustle. I’ll remember that motherhood will have its seasons and, just as my children, my yard, and my parenting abilities wilt and struggle so will they emerge and grow.

This post was inspired by Raising Cubby: A Father and Son’s Adventures with Asperger’s, Trains, Tractors, and High Explosives by John Elder Robison. Parenting is a challenging job, but what challenges does a parent with Asperger’s face? Join From Left to Write on March 12 as we discussRaising Cubby. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

Filed Under: book club, book review, books, motherhood, reflection, Uncategorized

Secrets

January 20, 2013 by Neena 8 Comments

This morning my husband and I were laying in bed having an early morning coffee date. We usually get up and rush to start the day, but decided today to spend a little extra time snuggled in the warmth of our quilts. Within minutes all three kids (and the dog!) crashed our party. They climbed up in the bed and decided to worm their way down into the blankets. It’s a big deal for the kids to be allowed in our bed. They know if they are invited into our domain that it is a special thing.

Once they were all snuggled into place the talking and giggling started. We asked our oldest about her friends at school and she dove right in to a rather large diatribe on her friend ‘Sam.’ She told us all about him – how nice he is, how well-behaved he is in class, and how he wants to marry her.

Then she shared a secret with us…

“I’m starting to ‘like like’ him.”

We didn’t know what this meant in third grade terms. So we asked. She explained it all to us and let us know that this was her secret. We encouraged her to always share her secrets with us. She just smiled and giggled.

We all have secrets. Some are buried deep and will remain unspoken. Some are silly to us yet a big deal to others. Some secrets get put in writing – filling up the pages of journal and diaries. I want my children to have secrets. Yet, at the same time I want them to share the big ones with me. There is something magical about keeping a snippet of knowledge to oneself and knowing that only you possess the depth of knowledge. Yet, there is something rather bonding and special about knowing you always have a person to share those secrets with when you’re ready. Someone who will listen. Someone who will share in the joy…or the fear. Someone who will dispense advice without bias. I want me children to have that in me. While I know they won’t always share their stories with their mother, I hope they’ll always realize that they can…when their ready.

For now I’ll take the giggles on a Sunday morning as my daughter tells me all about ‘Sam’… That’s enough at this point.

This post was inspired by mystery thriller novel The Expats by Chris Pavone. Kate Moore sheds happily sheds her old life become a stay at home mom when her husband takes a job in Europe. As she attempts to reinvent herself, she ends up chasing her evasive husband’s secrets. Join From Left to Write on January 22 as we discuss The Expats As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

Filed Under: book review, reflection

Who are we really?

June 12, 2012 by Neena 17 Comments

One of the interesting things about having a blog is that we bloggers essentially get to present whatever we want to the world. We can be prettier, thinner, more creative and crafty, and more put together than we are in real life. We can show the good pictures, tell the most interesting stories, and choose what details to include and which ones to leave out.

This begs to question how well we ever really know anyone – especially those we meet online. How much do we really know about the folks we interact with on Twitter and different social media sites? How much can we really trust the woman who shares stories of her husband’s crazy antics. Should we room with someone at a conference that we’ve only ever met through a blog?

I like to believe, though, that most of the bloggers I know and read are as honest and real as they present themselves. I like to think the best about people and believe that the level of vulnerability they show in their spaces is a genuine reflection of who they are. When we read about their experiences and adventures and interact together we begin to trust one another in ways that lead to relationships and bonds and communities of what we trust to be authenticity.

There needs to be trust. We need to trust one another and the stories we share. Why engage in this blogging experience if we are constantly questioning and being cynical of every little detail? I like to believe that who we really are is a group of women just trying to find the words to help us makes sense of whatever life throws our way. I think Brene Brown said it best…

“Authenticity is a daily practice. Choosing authenticity means: cultivating the courage to be emotionally honest, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable; exercising compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle and connected to each other through a loving and resilient human spirit; nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we let go of what we are supposed to be and embrace who we are. Authenticity demands wholehearted loving and loving – even when it’s hard, even when we’re wrestling with the shame and fear of not being good enough, and especially when the joy is so intense that we’re afraid to let ourselves feel it. Mindfully practicing authenticity during our most soul-searching struggles is how we invite grace, joy, and gratitude in our lives.”

Who are you really?

This post is inspired by mystery thriller GONE GIRL by Gillian Flynn. They may not have the perfect marriage, but after Amy goes missing, Nick becomes the number one suspect. Can he discover what happened before it’s too late? Join From Left to Write on June 12 as we discuss Gone Girl. As a member, I received a copy of the book for review purposes.

Filed Under: book club, book review

Alternate Reality (Plus a Giveaway!)

June 6, 2012 by Neena 6 Comments

**CONTEST IS CLOSED**

And the winner is…Erin! Congratulations! Email me with your contact information and the publisher will ship the book right to you!!

If someone would have asked me 15 years ago what the reality of my future would be I can say with almost certainty that I didn’t expect it to look like this.

Fifteen years ago I had plans. I was going to study journalism. I would move to New York City to accept some fabulous job where I would work my way up to Editor. My office door would be shiny glass with my name stenciled rather large. Employees would answer to me and I’d make decisions that would affect the whole of the publishing world. I’d wear black and heels and have a quaint apartment filled with books. I’d have an amazing fella who worshipped me and we’d be the perfect power couple.

Instead I am married to that amazing fella living in what is technically the rural South. I have three incredible children and I spend my days engaging in all things domestic. I have a PhD and I wear yoga pants and flip-flops. My office is filled with pots and pans and homemade jam. The decisions I make affect the lives and futures of my children and the publishing world has no idea who I am. I write a blog and scribble away on romance novels in the evenings when I’m not folding laundry or running back and forth to karate or ballet or piano. Nobody answers to me and usually what I say goes in one ear and out the other. Sure my house is filled with books – overflowing actually – but that is the only similarity.

And that’s okay.

This alternate reality I wake up in everyday is rather exciting and satisfying in its own unique way. Different sure, but still satisfying. Sometimes I picture the other version – the young naive ’I can plan everything’ version – and it seems so…not me. Could the homebody who loves her yoga pants and snuggling down with a good book on a cold night really have made it in the big bad city. Could I really be the type who is married to her job? Would I be happier if I had chosen not to become a mother? I’ll never know.

And that’s okay, too.

See, I ended up someplace completely different and unexpected from what that young girl in Ohio expected, but I also ended up someplace good. Really good. Somedays really really good.

The twist in all this is that through writing my tiny little blog and scribbling away on my romance novels I technically get to live out any reality and fantasy I want. I get to choose a different path with every story. I get to pick an alternate reality with every character and every experience.

And I never have to leave my living room, my yoga pants, my books, or my children to do any of it…

This post was inspired by Ready Player One by Ernest Cline. As a participant in this From Left to Write book blog tour, I received a copy of the book for review. If you would like to receive a free copy of Ready Player One (trust me you want to read this incredible book!) please leave a comment below. You can receive additional entries by doing one or all of the following:

Follow me on Twitter for a second entry (be sure to come back and leave a 2nd comment letting me know!)
Follow me on Facebook for a third entry (again, be sure to come back and leave a 3rd comment letting me know!)

Winner will be announced June 12th! Also – if you’re feeling super lucky check out this great video by author Ernest Cline. Here he explains how he hid an easter egg inside the novel that, if found, can help you win a Delorean. Yes, the Back to the Future car!!

Filed Under: book club, book review, books, Uncategorized

A different life I hope never to experience

March 29, 2012 by Neena 7 Comments

When I married Andy almost ten years ago I immediately felt a sense of safety with him. It was as if I came home.

I knew the life we were building would be full of great things and I never worried about the future. In many ways I felt the same invincibility in our marriage that many teenagers feel as they experience their first taste of independence. Nothing bad would ever happen. Not to us…not in our marriage.

Then we had our first child. And a second. And finally a third.

The birth of each child and the constant traveling my husband was required to do for work created this strange fear and anxiety within me. For the first time I began wondering what would happen if I lost my husband.

What would happen if I became a widow? Would I move on? Could I move on? How would it affect my children?

I would lay in bed at night worrying that something was going to happen to him – that our utter happiness and amazing relationship somehow made us more likely to experience something terrifying and earth shattering.

Who would I be without my husband? Would I be the same person? I don’t remember what is was like to be me before I was “Neena and Andy.”

I believe that if we are lucky we may get one great love in our lives. I was blessed to find mine early. I have been so blessed to build a life and family with him that I find myself getting choked up thinking of what it might be like to lose him now or even someday in the distant future.

Even though I’ve demanded that he let me go first when the time comes I know the universe just doesn’t work that way. I know someday I will be faced with losing him. It saddens me, but also makes me want to embrace the moments of each day that I am lucky enough to have with him. So I do simple things to ease the anxiety. I never let him leave the house or drive home from work without telling him to ‘be safe.’ Even when I’m angry I do not hesitate to say ‘I love you.’ And, at 5:00 in the morning I’ll choose to stand with him in the hot shower instead of heading to the kitchen for that quiet cup of coffee.

These moments are fleeting. We are lucky we get them at all. And, even with the worry that he may someday be gone, right now he is here.

With me.

And I am thankful.

This post was inspired by Signs of Life by Natalie Taylor. During the fifth month of her pregnancy of her first child Natalie Taylor is devastated by the sudden death of her husband. Her journey with grief is chronicled in this touching memoir Join From Left to Write Book Club on March 29 as we discuss this amazing book. As a member of From Left to Write, I received a complimentary copy of the book. All opinions are my own.

Filed Under: andy, book club, book review, books

Slowing Down

February 20, 2012 by Neena 8 Comments

I have always gotten a kick out of looking at real estate listings. To me it’s kind of like daydreaming about what you would do if you won the lottery. In my opinion a dollar is worth the price of the daydream. Lately, though, I seem to always look at real estate listings for farms. I look at the acreage, how far removed it is from civilization, and think about how much I could do with just a couple of acres.

Usually I think about these things as I’m running my kids from activity to activity. Or as I’m trying to rush dinner on the table before we have to make it to Scouts or piano. In those moments I think about how a small farm has come to represent life at a much slower pace.

I think about waking up and enjoying a fresh cup of coffee outside as I examine the beauty of the landscape and not the speed of cars rushing by. I think about how exciting it would be to have chickens to raise and provide eggs for our family. I think about how a slower pace might allow me to do things like bake fresh bread, sew my own aprons, plant and tend an impressive garden.

I think about how different our eating habits would be without the convenience of fast food, grocery stores just down the street, and the pizza guy’s number on the fridge. I wonder if my children would love to learn more about where their food comes from and what it takes to prepare in properly. I think about how much fun it would be to start canning from that impressive garden.

I wonder if I would have the time to pursue more pleasure reading, more homemade recipes, more enjoyment of the world around me.

Life here is the suburbs raising three children is so fast-paced. From the moment my eyes open in the morning until the moment I crash in the bed at night seems to be on high-speed. I know we’re responsible for this fast-paced life we’ve created and I know we could easily change it with a renewed commitment to the art of slowing down. But sometimes it’s nice to just imagine the idealistic setting of my own little farm.

This post was inspired by Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver. As a member of From Left to Write book club, I received a copy of the book. All opinions are my own.

Filed Under: book club, book review, food

Book Review: A Different Kind of Wild

August 24, 2009 by Neena Leave a Comment

School is finally back in session and that means that I’m back to some good ol‘ carpool reading! I recently had the chance to read through a book that’s rather different from what I normally read. I’ve teamed up with a group to participate in some non-fiction book tours as a means of trying to expand my reading horizons. The first book up on the tour was completely different from what I would normally choose – so that was a good start!

A Different Kind of Wild, by Debbie Alsdorf, is a book that forces women to ask themselves a simple question: Am I wild about Jesus? This book allows women the opportunity to examine their own faith and how they approach it’s grown and choose to share it’s glory. The author wants women to take a close examination of their beliefs and faith in order to develop what she calls ‘The WILD” (Women in Lifelong Development).

I’ll admit that I don’t have much biblical references to support my faith and beliefs, but I liked how this book provided detailed scripture to reinforce the points Alsdorf would raise. For example, she dedicated and entire chapter to women worrying less and trusting more and each piece of scripture used in the chapter supports that central idea.

Alsdorf also includes numerous reflections throughout the book that force the reader to really look closely and think about the ideas being presented. But, what I think was most powerful about this book is how the concept can be applied to other’s beliefs as well. Alsdorf obviously focuses her book on Christianity, but the idea of being wild about one’s beliefs can easily stretch beyond the walls of one specific religion. I’ve always felt that it no matter what you believe, believe it with conviction. This whole idea can carry through no matter if you’re Catholic, Buddhist, or Muslim. Be wild about the beliefs you do have and make it a part of every aspect of your life. She challenges readers to ask themselves if their faith is too tame.

This is a book I would certainly pass along.

Filed Under: book review, Carpool Reader

Smelly Washer: A Review

July 4, 2009 by Neena 3 Comments

I’ve mentioned before that I’ve had problems with my dishwasher smelling rather foul. I’ve tried numerous things to help with the problem, but I’ve never had any luck. So, when I was contacted by Smelly Washer I was instantly intrigued by the product! They offered me a free bottle to try and I figured if it could do something about the fact that my dishwasher smelled like female anatomy then all the better.

Here are some basic facts about the product:

all natural!
citrus based and environmentally friendly
removes mold and mildew odor
works to clean washing machines, towels, and dishwashers
each bottle contains up to 24 treatments!
works great for front loading machines

I tried the product in both my washer and my dishwasher and it worked extremely well. There was literally no odor left when it was done. It was completely neutral. While I did find the product easy to use, I did have trouble with one specific aspect: time.

After agitating through a cycle, Smelly Washer needs to soak in the machine overnight. The cycle then needs to finish the next morning. This isn’t necessarily that difficult if I plan ahead. But, with a family of five it isn’t always convenient to be without a washing machine or dishwasher overnight. But, that can be overlooked considering it did take care of the odor problem!

For more information check out there website. But, here’s a little something extra:

Smelly Washer is offering readers 10% off their orders by August 31, 2009. Just use the promo code: mamaneena

Give the product a try! It’s just one more step to help your family go green.

Filed Under: book review, smelly washer

Transformational Mothering

June 17, 2009 by Neena Leave a Comment

I have been a mother for just over 5 years. I consider motherhood to be the most challenging, exhausting, gut-wrenching, heart breaking, overwhelming experience I’ve ever know. I also consider it to be the most amazing, beautiful, inspirational, life-affirming, transformational adventures I will ever have.

I have been through the phase of being a new mother, clueless and shocked at what my body has done and what my heart is capable of feeling. I have lived through the nights of crying and colic, sickness and fevers, nightmares and cuddles. I have watched baby fat lessen, school days arrive, and trendy phases begin. I have kissed boo-boos, given punishments, assigned chores, and questioned myself more times than I can count.

I became a mother and discovered the true blessings of God.

Click over to my book blog to read more about Transformational Mothering

Filed Under: book review

Taking Comfort in the Simple Things

May 27, 2009 by Neena Leave a Comment

When I was a young girl it wasn’t unusual for me to find comfort in being by myself. I was content to play alone in my room, creating imaginary scenarios for my dolls. I felt safe, unjudged, and able to let my imagination find its own road to travel. I would enjoy the comfort brought on by the stories, poetry, and worlds I created from that childhood play.

As I grew a bit older I began to understand and embrace the different type of comfort brought on my certain people, specifically my Grandma. She was a genuine, loving, and strong woman that managed to push aside any worries, fears, or trepidation brought on by typical adolescent experiences. I was always amazed how much better I could feel after a night tucked in her guest bedroom, a cup of tea at the kitchen table, and an hour or two of good conversation. The world would always seem less scary, less stressful, and less intimidating after just a bit of her comfort and love.

It wasn’t until adulthood that I realized exactly how much comfort food could bring to any given situation. It may have been a fresh cup of coffee at the end of a long day or the warmth of homemade peanut butter cookies that made me feel embraced, almost as if the food was the hug of a good friend. I can still achieve a sense of comfort when the house is fill with the aroma of spaghetti sauce or pot roast from the oven. This comfort that I associate with certain foods isn’t necessarily about ‘eating’ as much as it’s about the rituals that go with it.

There is comfort in spending hours in the kitchen trying to replicate my mother’s famous holiday cookies, remembering my own childhood holiday memories in the process. I anticipate the strength and console that a warm bowl of chicken soup will bring during the cold months of the year. I even giggle at the comfort I feel when I enjoy the same Popsicles from my childhood that my children are enjoying now.

I don’t think it matters where or we find comfort and strength, but that we have someone or something that brings it to us. I believe that if I sat by myself and enjoyed a fresh cup of coffee while thinking of my Grandma and eating peanut butter cookies I may just have the recipe for the perfect comforting moment.

The Silicon Valley Moms Group is featuring Comfort Food by Kate Jacobs as its May book club selection. This event is not comprised of traditional book reviews, but rather a collection of how this book has inspired all of us in different ways.