This life…

Sometimes I look around at my life and think…it couldn’t be more perfect.

I look at the worn couches in our living room and picture teddy bear-like puppies snuggling on the cushions and children snuggling their toes in furry creatures as they read at night.

I clean out my bookshelves and marvel at the knowledge each book contains and how lucky I am to have the chance to absorb any bit of it at any time.

I peel potatoes for a pot of chicken soup or organize groceries in the pantry and appreciate the art of making a home for my family.

I fold little socks and drive to activities with coffee in my hand and noise from the back seats and think how special it is to hear their voices in sing in the background.

I put a welcome mat at the front door.  I pay bills.  I buy glitter shoes for a family night at the Nutcracker.  I attempt to build a dollhouse to surprise my 8-year-old on Christmas.  I giggle at terrible knock-knock jokes and pause to look at magnets on the fridge showing pictures my children colored.

Maybe some might see these tasks, these domestic tasks as mundane, but I do not.  I see each one as part of the canvas that is the embodiment of my life and each of these tasks is just another color, another brush stroke to fill in the picture I am meant to create.  I only get this one life.  This one, brief life.  Rather than focus on what could be different, I am choosing to focus on how all of it brings me a sense of joy.  A sense of gratitude.

This life is small.  This life is valuable.  This life is perfect…for me.

 

Preparing for the Holidays

I have been working around the house lately in anticipation of the upcoming holidays.  This year feels different.  It’s the first time in 3 years where I will not be saddled with PhD related writing or school work.  In my eyes this means I can enjoy the holidays in a new way – or at least with a bit more freedom and spontaneity.

The house needs a thorough cleaning before the decorations get pulled out of storage.  I spent all day yesterday sorting through bookcase after bookcase of books to donate and pack away.  I didn’t realize how badly this needed to be done until I saw the results.  Now my dining room table is overflowing with things to donate, but the task in a huge thing I can cross off the list!

see…so much prettier!

I’m living by my lists these days.  I have so many lists to keep me organized and on track to get everything done.  There is:

  • the inevitable cleaning list
  • the house project list (which includes building a display for my holiday village collection)
  • the teacher gifts list (thankfully already purchased!)
  • the list of gifts for relatives
  • the list of gifts for the children
  • the list for Charlotte’s upcoming 5th birthday
  • the list of supplies for decorating the outside of the house (because I’m totally making my husband do it “for the children”)
  • the Thanksgiving food and preparation list

It just goes on and on.  This doesn’t include my “work” lists as I keep pushing forward with Project: Underblog.  But, I just keep pushing.  I know that making it through my to-do lists now will allow for more enjoyment of the holidays later.  In the moment, though, I really want to tell my lists to suck it!

iServe

I’m always amazed at how quickly the holidays sneak up on me.  It feels like we were just in the midst of back-to-school chaos and now it’s time to think about turkey and gifts and decorations.  We try to avoid going overboard with gifts for the children because we want them to understand the true meaning of the holidays.  Yet, every year I end up realizing that the “commercialization” of the holidays extends well into the extra people in our children’s lives: teachers, ballet instructors, karate teachers, scout leaders, etc.

The kids always make the effort to create a card or picture for these important folks and I usually supplement their creativity with some sort of homemade gift.  Even limiting it to that much can greatly extend a holiday budget if one is not careful.  And, I have a sneaking suspicion that most of these folks are so overwhelmed with gifts from students that it likely becomes a burden to them.  The result of all this is families working to include all those extra people with something thoughtful and meaningful and all those extra people being bombarded with things they probably don’t need.  I mean, come on! How many Santa mugs does a 24-year-old karate instructor really need!?

But this year I’ve learned that things are going to be a bit different.  Our karate studio informed all students that they do not want ANY gifts this year.  They were adamant about it! They explained that while they always appreciate the thought and gestures from students that they really have everything they need that is important.  What they asked instead is for service.  Yep, service.  Our studio has adopted a women and children’s shelter and promised to provide Christmas for the 20+ families living within the shelter.  These are folks who have nowhere else to go, are struggling financially, and many are escaping abusive situations.  The instructors stated that, without the service of their students, the families at the shelter would not have the means to have Christmas.

Their request: write letters, create pictures, and  (if possible) donate gift cards (for gas, groceries, clothing, etc) to the studio. From the donations collected and from their own pockets they will provide Christmas to the 20+ families living at the shelter.

I was thrilled when they shared this idea! I think it is so much more meaningful than any other gifts they could receive from students.  It’s showing the kids a form of kindness, charity, and caring.  And it’s taking some of the key values of karate and making them “real” for these children.  We’ve decided to have our children use their own money to purchase gift cards and we will match whatever amount they spend.  We will donate our gift cards as a family and offer our help or services in any way we can.

This whole “iServe” project is just one more reason why I feel we’ve made a great choice in having our kids attend this karate studio.  They get it.  And they make sure the students get it too.

And I believe that is much more powerful than anything I could put inside a Santa mug.

picture courtesy of google

Agree to Disagree Politically

I want to preface this post by stating that politics brings out the worst in people.  It really does.  I’m not going to talk about any specific candidate in this post and, frankly, I don’t really want to hear who you are voting for in Tuesday’s election.  This post is about respect.  

This afternoon I was relaxing on the couch with my family.  We were reading and playing games and just enjoying each other’s company when I got a notice that I had a new Facebook message from a relative of mine.  Out of the blue this relative started attacking me and my voting choice.  This message was full of hate – telling me that by voting for my chosen candidate I am essentially selling my children.  It mentioned that my vote doesn’t really matter anyway because I’m located in Georgia, but if I cared at all for my children I would open my eyes and realize my stupidity.

Keep in mind that I don’t talk to this relative regularly.  I didn’t talk to or see this relative regularly growing up either.  And, I tend to avoid talking politics in most situations – especially on Facebook.  This relative was basing all of her hate off of my ability to “like” certain Facebook pages.  We’ve never talked politics.  I’ve never shared anything political with this relative.  Yet she felt she could attack me, my children, and my beliefs on a quiet Sunday afternoon.

I told her I didn’t appreciate being attacked on a Sunday afternoon and that I didn’t need to justify my voting choice to anyone.  But, since she was so curious as to why I am voting a certain way, I sent her a list of reasons.  She fired back with “You started it by liking those pages!”  Then she unfriended me.

I started it!? What are you, 12!?

What I want to say is this:  we need to be more respectful of one another.  We need to stop the attacking, the name calling, the meanness and learn to listen to one another.  We are always going to disagree.  In fact, disagreeing is healthy and normal.  It’s when it turns from a respectful discourse to a hate-filled yelling match that I tend to get angry.  I don’t care who you are voting for.  You have every right to choose who you feel is best.  Just like I have every right to choose who I think is best.  But, what we all need to do is learn to be a bit more respectful to those on differing sides.

Stop yelling.

Stop acting asinine.

Stop name calling.

Stop belittling.

Stop using intimidation to make your point.

Just stop.

Agree to disagree and allow each of us to exercise our voting rights in the manner we see fit.  Be grateful we live in a country where we have this right in the first place.  And, if you can’t be respectful and polite to me or anyone else during this elections then perhaps we should stop being friends until 2016.

I’ll respect you, but can you respect me?

 

NaNoWriMo – I think I’m gonna do it!

Tomorrow begins the annual National Novel Writing Month.  It’s an entire month dedicated to making progress on your novel.  As they say: “Thirty Days and Nights of Literary Abandon”

And, I’ve decided to try to participate this year.  It became a goal of mine to work on my romance novel once I finished the PhD.  This Summer I made some pretty good progress.  But then life and kids and other projects took my attention away.  It’s my own fault, really.  I haven’t made time to write the stuff I love.  But that changes tomorrow.

Tomorrow I will begin my 30 day adventure and (hopefully!) make som kick-ass progress on my novel.  My trashy, wonderful novel.  Ideally I’d like to come away with 50,000 words.  But I’d be happy if I just worked on it regularly for the month.

I tried this once before years ago and lasted about 3 days.  Maybe this year will be the same or maybe I’ll totally surprise myself and really get back to what it is I love to write.  So I’m going to do it.

Well, I’m going to try to do it.

Are you participating? If so, let me know so we can be writing buddies!! I’m super good at encouraging others!

No, son, you cannot go trick-or-treating!

Sometimes this parenting gig sucks.  Down right sucks a big fat one.  And last night I got a first hand experience on the immense suckage that parenting can have.

Last night our neighborhood held its annual trick-or-treating event.  We invited a couple of the kids’ friends over since they live off a country road and are limited in where they can trick-or-treat.  We set up a little party for the kids, ate pizza, made caramel apples, and allowed for much more chaos than we normally would.  I blame the sugar.

As we started to get the kids ready to hit the neighborhood we notice our son’s behavior was quickly going south. We’ve been dealing with some rough behavior from him for weeks.  I don’t know if it is a boy thing or just a 7-year-old phase, but we don’t tolerate anything less than respect.  We’ve tried different punishment tactics and nothing has worked.  But as we watched him act out and pretend to hit one of us because of something we said we made an executive decision.

He was going to miss trick-or-treating.

We knew this consequence would have an immediate and rather large impact.  We knew it had to be something big to get through his head and make him realize he couldn’t behave in certain ways at anytime – let alone when we have company or are out in public.

He started to cry and my husband took him back in the house.  My friend and I headed out to take the other kids trick-or-treating.  We talked as we went from house to house and she agreed that, as heart breaking as it was to watch, it was probably the right thing to do in the situation.

By the time we got home I could tell he was still upset.  He was out of his costume and helping my husband answer the door and hand out candy.  He saw the other kids come in and begin sorting their loot.  His bucket was virtually empty  except for a few piece I put in there earlier in the day.  While his face was full of hurt he did manage to hold it together.  The other kids we unbelievably kind and generous and each gave him a good handful of their candy.  His eyes lit up and he showered everyone with thanks and appreciation.

As the night closed and our friends left Jacob snuggled up to me and offered a sweet and genuine apology for how he behaved.  He talked about disliking losing out on the fun and how it was his choice to misbehave.  He even told me about a lady that came to the door with her kids and asked why he wasn’t trick-or-treating.

“I lost my privilege ” he said.

He understood.  He got it.  He realized the impact his behavior can have.  And that is a very good thing.

But I hated every minute of it.  I hated watching him suffer.  I hated seeing him miss out.  I hated that I couldn’t play Good Cop and forget the whole incident.  I know he wouldn’t have learned a damn thing if we had done that, but at least both our hearts would have remained in tact.

Again, this parenting gig sucks sometimes.

Are School Uniforms The Answer!?

We have had so many school changes this year – enough to make my head dizzy as I try to schedule and everything that happens in a typical week.

First, our county went from a 180 day calendar to a 160 day calendar.  This equates to more breaks, a longer school day, and nearly twice the amount of homework for the kids.  The calendar itself is not so bad.  It’s the getting home at 4:30 in the afternoon after leaving at 7:45 that tends to make things exhausting for all involved.  This doesn’t leave much time in the evenings for activities, homework, dinner, baths, and bedtime.  We’ve been in school since August 13th and we are still adjusting.  (and we’ve even cut down activities to one per kid this school year as compared with the 2-3 activities last year!)

Second, both of my older kids are in the gifted program this year.  I love the program and feel that it is really benefitting my kids.  But this means extra projects on a regular basis and a minimum of 40-60 minutes of reading each night.  Don’t get me wrong – they love it.  But this is on top of their regular class homework and any assignments they miss during the day when they are pulled out to attend their gifted class.  And, with the new school schedule I’m sure you can see that this can be quite a struggle in the evening when the kids are already exhausted from a long day.

And there are more changes coming.  You’d think I’d be shouting and pulling out my hair at the prospect of anything else changing, but I’m actually kind of excited about this one.  The county is in the process of voting whether to switch to school uniforms for the 2013-2014 school year.

They sent home a parent survey today asking us to weigh in on the issue – a “should we” or “shouldn’t we” questionnaire for feedback.  I appreciate them asking for use to share our opinions and I was quick to vote a big “yes” on school uniforms.  Most of the parents I’ve talked to that already require uniforms say it makes things so much easier.  Easier shopping.  Easier mornings.  Easier focus.

I like the idea of uniforms.  No, I love the idea of uniforms.  Next year all three kids will be at the same school for the first time ever! They’ll be riding the bus together and will all have the same daily schedule.  This excites me beyond belief.  And when you throw uniforms in the mix I can only imagine how easy it is to shop and get them dressed in the morning.  No discussion of who likes what.  No argument over what is cool or if something is too babyish.  No discussion beyond getting the right size.  And, uniforms are so easy to buy these days.  Everyone carries their own version of school uniforms – Lands End, Wal-Mart, Target, Macy’s, JCPenny, etc.  There is no special ordering required and the prices are the same (if not cheaper) than what we spend on regular school clothes anyway.

Many parents, though, are adamant that uniforms are a terrible idea.  Usually the idea centers on cost.  And I imagine that can be a contributing factor in many cases.  But, with enough warning that uniforms are coming, the ability to watch the sales, finding local consignment shops, and taking into account what is already spent on clothing I struggle with this argument.

But what are some of the other arguments for or against school uniforms? I’d love to hear what all of you have experienced or how you feel about the issue?  Is this going to make my life easier like I imagine or is making yet another change to the school just going to cause more trouble?  Weigh in!

My Favorite Horror Movies

I love a good horror movie! Once of my favorite things to do in the Fall is to hunker down, turn the lights off, and watch a totally awesome horror movie.  Or a terribly cheesy, B-grade horror movie.  I love them all.  Plus, horror movies are usually the only types of movies my husband and I can agree to watch together.  So I thought I’d put together a list of some of my favorite scary movies!

  • Prince of Darkness – I watched this as a child and it is one of the only movies I ever saw my step-dad actually get scared and scream during one of the scenes!
  • The Exorcist – it’s a classic and the first time I ever saw it was on Easter morning when I was in middle school.  Yea, my parents were awesome like that.
  • Friday the 13th, Part IV – I don’t know why this one stuck out more than any of the others (and I’ve seen them all!) but I love Corey Feldman as a chunky child.
  • Return of the Living Dead – punk rock zombies and all their awesomeness!
  • Session Nine – any mental institution movie is usually a winner in my book!
  • Children of the Corn – I’m pretty sure this one messed us all up at some point.
  • PumpkinHead – revenge for hurting a kid (I totally get that now that I’m a parent!)
  • April Fools – cheesy, but totally bloody!
  • Shutter Island – totally creepy and awesome!
  • Tales from the Crypt – this isn’t a movie, but I used to love the series!

Thanks to Netflix I can watch as many terribly bad movies as I want during the Fall! In all honesty, I won’t necessarily watch them when I’m home alone, though, because nobody will be around to go turn on the bathroom light when I need to pee.

What movies make your list?

Gun Safety and Kids

This summer I learned to shoot.  I’ve been to the gun range enough now to be comfortable around guns.  My confidence and understanding using a fire arm is increasing and I am glad I’ve taken the time to learn.  So it shouldn’t be surprising that my husband recently bought me my first gun.

Keeping guns in the house – it’s something we’ve discussed for years and it’s something it took me a long time to accept.  But now we’ve crossed that line and we take it very seriously – which is why we sat down with our children to have a conversation about gun safety.  In all honesty they didn’t even know there was a gun in the house up until this conversation.  But we wanted to educate them, help them understand, and do our part to be as responsible as possible.

We explained that we have a gun.  We explained to them why we have one and allowed them to ask any and all questions to satiate their curiosity.  We wanted them to understand the danger, but also to have some knowledge in their pockets just in case.  We told them…

  • Guns are not toys! (and they suddenly understood why we prefer to not allow them to have toy guns.  We don’t ever want them to think of them as toys)
  • The gun is locked away safely and cannot be accessed by anyone other than me or my husband.
  • They should never touch a gun!
  • If you come across a gun always assume it is loaded and never point it at yourself or anyone else.
  • If a friend ever tries to show you a gun you run to an adult immediately (no matter what your friend tries to tell you!)

We made the decision to let them see it.  We wanted to be as clear with them as possible about the parts and the danger associated with using them incorrectly.  We also talked with each of them about taking a kids gun safety class at our local range so that they could have proper education and understanding.  How did they respond to all this?  Our oldest cried.  Our son asked zombie apocalypse question.  And our 4-year-old daughter chose that moment to give us a lecture on scissor safety.

But did they hear us?  Did they understand our rules?  I believe they did.  We questioned and quizzed them later (and even did our own version of role-playing) and they remembered and explained each rule we gave them.

I’m sure some would shout that having a gun in the house with kids is wrong.  I’m sure some would even say that we shouldn’t even be talking about this with our kids.  Maybe so, but this is the way we chose to handle it…

with responsibility…

with awareness…

with education…

with safety at the front…

Do you talk to your kids about gun safety? How do you handle having fire arms in the house?

36 Hours

I’ve only been 34 years old for a few days, but I’ve already learned something pretty important.

Wanna know what it is!?  I’ll tell ya…

It officially takes me 36 hours to get over a hangover.

Yep.  I’m totally and completely NOT young in that respect anymore.

Saturday night was the official birthday celebration.  We started off at the gun range where I got to have a little target practice and purchase my first gun!  She came in a blue box so obviously I named her Tiffany.  We headed to a local Mexican restaurant where we met up with some friends, ate some great food, and, like the proverbial cheese, I stood alone…drinking.

Everyone assured me they would drink when we hit the bar which was our next stop after dinner.  I had a few drinks at the bar, danced a little with no rhythm whatsoever, and laughed with the amazing group of people who showed up.  But, every time I turned around someone was refilling my drink or buying me a shot.  I was working on drinking any random glass of water I could find on the table knowing full well the wonders of hydration.

Sadly, it didn’t help.

By the time we left I was feeling pretty tipsy which is always a strange feeling since I only drink once in a blue moon. As Hubby drove me home I ended up pulling some major stomach pyrotechnics (so glad those shoes were cheap!) and crashed immediately upon getting home…only to wake up at 6:30 am feeling like crap.

I spent the day vegging on the couch, eating scrambled eggs, and hydrating my ass off.  It didn’t really help.  I slept when I could and slowly but surely realized that my 34-year-old ass was not meant to recover quickly.  I went to be early that night hoping Monday would surprise me with some “feel better” feelings.  It didn’t.

It’s now Monday night and I’m finally feeling back to normal.  No headache, no exhaustion, no nausea.  It’s been a loooooong 36 hours.

But, damn was it fun!!!

Next time I just need to remember that Sex on the Beach shots are a very bad idea…no matter if they are the half priced shot of the day.