We’re headed off for a much needed vacation today. I’ll share pictures of our adventures when we return.
But, in the mean time….
You’re welcome.
May 27, 2010 By 7 Comments
Why reading the news is bad! So very bad!
May 25, 2010 By 6 Comments
So, I have this raging fear of spiders. I’ve never made any bones about the fact that I don’t like them, cannot accept what they do for our planet, and would prefer that my yard and home be spider free for all eternity.
It certainly doesn’t help my fear when I read stories about women losing boobies because of something the size of a quarter!
And, it doesn’t help to read these stories at night. In bed. In the dark.
I needed to discuss this immediately with my husband!
“Honey, this woman lost her boob because of a spider,” I said to the back of the his head as he tried to go to sleep.
“Uh huh. That sucks,” he said, sympathy dripping from his voice.
“I’m going to Google this spider right now so I know what it looks like.”
“Now, don’t do that,” he says as he rolls over. “You’ll just freak yourself out and then you won’t be able to sleep which means I won’t be able to sleep!”
“I’m just going to see what a brown recluse looks like so I know!”
I type in my term to the search box and am suddenly faced with images of, well, spiders. Gross, creepy, Oh My God Is Something Crawling On My Leg Right Now-spiders.
“Honey, do you see this?”
“Uh, huh”
“These things are horrible! Do you remember that spider we found that one time at our old house?” Clearly he would know exactly what I was talking about.
“What!?”
“You know! That brown spider we found that one time down in the bonus room. Was that a brown recluse?”
“I don’t know, honey. That was 8 years ago.” I could sense that he was not enthused with me. “I’m going to sleep.” He snuggles down and puts his arm around me.
“Oh My God! Don’t touch me there! That feels all weird like there’s a spider under the sheets and it’s crawling on me! Move your hand!!!!!!”
“Seriously!?”
“Well, honey, what is one of these spiders jumps out and attacks one of the kids? Should I give them a benedryl and call 911? Should I do that for any spider bite?”
“Put the computer away please. I’m going to sleep.”
10 minutes later…
“Honey, do brown recluse spiders live in Georgia?” I whispered.
“Honey!”
“*incoherent mumbles*”
“Well, maybe your second wife won’t bother you in the night!”
“She’ll be too busy playing with her pet spider to bother me!”
The end.
Of my ability to sleep in this house. Ever.
And, if I can’t sleep I’m taking every one of you down with me!!
Sometimes It’s Better to Just Accept the Writer’s Block and move on!
May 24, 2010 By 2 Comments
Hubby and I were sitting in bed this morning watching Fox News and drinking coffee when I informed him that I was struggling to come up with a blog topic.
We’re leaving on a little vacation in a few days and I wanted to have some posts banked since we’ll (happily, mind you) have no Internet access where we’re going. Being the loving husband that he is he decided to brainstorm topics for me. Here’s what he came up with:
- How much my husband kicks ass – True, but I’d hate to make all the other husbands in all the land feel inadequate. So, for the good of mankind, I’ll skip this one.
- How the corn dog is the world’s most perfect food – with a follow up post on how more foods should come on sticks (oh, goody! it’s a series!)
- How making fun of my husband on the Internet all the time cost me my “marrage” – Since I don’t know what a “marrage” is I guess I’m okay losing it!
- how correcting my husband’s pitiful spelling skills first thing in the morning cost me “tender time.” – I didn’t want tender time this morning anyway!
- 7 things you can do with duct tape and a ball gag – At this point I told him to leave and go take his shower. This one was suggested with impressions and sound effects. Oh, yes it was.
I think I’ll just come up with my own topics from now on – otherwise I might just write multiple posts on how we all need more bacon and more sex…
Goodbye.
There’s no question that they are wonderfully made
May 21, 2010 By Leave a Comment
“The child must know that he is a miracle, that since the beginning of the world there hasn’t been, and until the end of the world there will not be, another child like him.” – Pablo Casals
Shameless Self Promotion
May 18, 2010 By 1 Comment
Psst! Guess what, folks!?
I was selected as a potential nominee for the 2010 Nickelodeon Parents’ Picks Award for best parenting blog!
*insert loud squee here*
I’m not usually one to pimp myself out, but hey, for this I’ll gladly accept some money on the nightstand.
Or a daily vote!
If you feel so inclined I’d love to have you as part of my pimping efforts and shameless self-promotion. Tweet it. Facebook it. Tell your friends and lovers.
Or, if you just kinda like me and want to help me feel all warm and fuzzy, just click over and vote everyday.
I promise to send some good thoughts your way everyday.
Or at least post more videos of me dancing for you to laugh at.
Goodbye.
And, hey…
THANKS!
*SMOOCH*
Some Really Bad Poetry
May 16, 2010 By 1 Comment
It’s about to storm.
Big. Loud.
The kids are breaking markers.
Grandparents like to indulge.
Parents do not.
The dog is eating a stuffed bunny.
I’m out of Calgon.
No wine sales on Sundays.
I wish I knew Morse Code.
I’d signal for a white chocolate mocha.
And a hot Italian boy to feed me biscotti.
S-O-S, suckers!
The end.
I’m sorry.
My mother is coming for a visit tomorrow. She’s staying for a week
May 14, 2010 By 2 Comments
I have lots of plans for the week she’s here. We’re going to pick strawberries and make jam. We’re going to have Chinese food and I’m going to introduce her to Glee. She’ll play with her grandkids and drop numerous hints about moving back to Ohio. We’ll stay fairly busy carting them back and forth to the last week of school activities. She’ll complain of being tired and needing to rest, but she’ll secretly be loving it. She’s like one of those grumpy old men that likes to put on a front but is really just a giant teddy bear.
Only she’s not a man.
Or giant. *Wow, mom. You look great! Have you lost weight?*
But, before the fun can commence I have to get ready for her to arrive.
You don’t have to clean for me, honey! Just put me anywhere and you know I’ll eat anything!
*cough* Not buying it, Mother!
So, before she arrives tomorrow morning I have to finish Operation: Your Mother-in-Law is Coming So You Better Not Work Late So You Can Come Home Early and Bring Me Wine and Talk Me Down From The Ledge.
There’s cleaning involved. Lots and Lots of cleaning.
And shopping.
And hiding of the breakables. *kidding…sorta*
I cancelled our play date for today so that I wouldn’t have to leave the house and i could concentrate on the chaos of having company.
So, that’s what I’ll be doing today. If you don’t here back from me by sunset please send backup.
And a pack of Marlboro Lights.
I totally wish I could blame this on being menstrual!
May 11, 2010 By 9 Comments
Most days I think I’m pretty good at this mothering thing. The kids smile, they tend to look sorta clean, and they’re still happy enough to tell me good-night. Success, right?
Today I’m just not feeling it. Today I’m having one of those days where I’m totally questioning why God decided I would make a good mother three times over.
Cause, this gig? Today I ain’t got it!
And, it’s all the fault of a swimsuit and a calendar mistake. I wrote the date down wrong for my son’s water day at school. I sent him to school yesterday in his swim trucks only to be told at carpool that afternoon that water day was tomorrow and my son was uber-upset and how could you possibly get the date wrong and put us all through the hell of dealing with your anxious, worry-wart of a child!?!
So, today he melted down. He melted down because, again, I dressed him in his swim trunks and swore to him that today was, in fact, the real water day.
He believed me about as much as I believe anything Obama says.
(that’s less than none in case you didn’t know!)
He refused to go to school dressed that way and proceeded to change himself out of his swim trunks and into regular clothes. So, I let him.
I let him change and wear whatever he wanted. I wrote a note to his teach explaining the whole thing and sent his anxious little butt on to school.
Then I came home, called my husband, and tried to inform him that our children are weird little goobers with hearts of gold and that we must start homeschooling immediately so that we never have situations like this again and so that our children will have the freedom to express their anxiety and weirdness in the comfort of their own home and that they can make friends with other weird homeschoolers that love God and eat paste and have fascinations with the Amish and take swimming lessons at weird times and play violin.
He didn’t answer the phone.
And, I’m not menstrual.
So, I got nothin’!
Seriously, though. This homeschooling thing? I’ve been feeling the pull for a while now. I wish I knew the answer…
Family Photos: Part Two
May 10, 2010 By 6 Comments
I mentioned before that we were having family portraits done by a fabulous photographer. She finally sent me a link to the gallery and the most adorable video of our family.
I have to say – I’m usually not one to get sappy or misty-eyed, but this video did it for me. Thank you, Tessa. Your talent amazes me and you gave our family a very special gift.
“
I can’t gush enough about how much I enjoyed the experience or how wonderful Tessa is at taking pictures, working with kids, and apparently causing Mama to cry like a little girl.
She’s got talent. My word, she’s got talent!
Now, I must go in search of more tissues. Damn song…
School’s out for Summer! (or for 4 days until my Summer classes start)
May 7, 2010 By 6 Comments
See this?
It’s my happy dance.
Statistics is over. The semester is over. And, I have 4 glorious days off before my Summer classes begin!!!
How do I plan to spend my 4 days off?
I plan to read something trashy. Yes, I actually spent money on a book called Trusting the Bodyguard. $3.47 to be exact. No judgement!
We also plan to spend our entire Saturday at the Georgia Renaissance Festival where I’ll indulge in deep fried pickles and hubby will be all caveman and devour a large turkey leg. 
It’s family tradition to stand in the hot sun and be gluttonous while debating the merits of overpriced jewelry and dragon statues. Plus, the people watching…oh, the people watching!!
Sunday will be spent being fanned and worshiped by my family as they bow to my very motherly existence *snort*
Somewhere in all this fun and excitement I hope to actually shave my legs. It’s been a busy semester and Hubby would love to remember that he’s actually married to a girl and not a Wookie.
I’m sorry. I’m getting help.
Goodbye.
