The other day I tried to start smoking again.
I quit three years ago, but after the day I had and the fact that my kids were acting like assholes I needed a cigarette.
I know kids are all precious and wonderful and all that crap, but yesterday mine were precious, wonderful assholes.
I love my assholes, but they made me want to smoke.
Wait. That didn’t sound right.
So, I stopped at the gas station on the way home from karate, bought a pack of Marlboro Lights, and waited until I had a free five minutes to sneak outside, hide under my bedroom window, and light up that dark goodness.
Only it wasn’t good.
It was gross and stinky and made me feel like vomiting all over my dead azalea bush.
So, later that night I tried again. I figured maybe it was just the first one and if I tried it again it would be better.
But, it wasn’t. And I smelled even worse.
I hid the rest of the pack in my bottom drawer and decided I’d keep them safe just for emergencies.
Then I had the brilliant idea to have one again today. New day, new perspective. It couldn’t possibly taste that bad again, right!?
After coming close to vomiting in the trash can we keep in the garage for dirty diapers I knew I was doomed.
Doomed to a smokeless existence.
I’m not a smoker. Anymore.
I took the rest of the pack, ripped them into pieces, and shoved them down with all the poopy diapers in the trash can. I figured covering them in poop funk was a good bet.
I didn’t want to take any chances.
Then I cried. I cried for my youth and the fact that when I was a smoker I was skinny. I cried for the fact that coffee and wine tasted so much better with a cigarette or two. I cried for the fact that my knee didn’t hurt and my writing was better and my boobs were perkier all when I was a smoker.
Okay, my boobs are still pretty awesome even without cigarettes, but the other stuff is true.
I cried for the fact that I’m 31. I’m 31 and the mother of three. I’m a wife and a homemaker, a PhD-er, a Girl Scout Leader, a sometime church-goer, and the occasional watcher of bad tv. I’m a grownup and a tax payer and a coupon clipper and a mostly model citizen.
And, I do all those things without cigarettes.
And apparently I’ll continue to do all those things without my Marlboro Lights.
Shame.
Damn smokers.
All those things may be true…
but you smell better.
Promise.
Smoking is so over-rated! I use to smoke and I've tried (in very stressful situations) to do it again. Yeah, it's not going to happen. LOL
All those things you mentioned you were/had when you were a smoker didn't disappear because you stopped smoking…they disappeared because you are 31! Hate to break it to you, but that is the price of marriage, three children, and getting old. Listen to your hubby…you do smell better. I'd have to make Matt sit next to you in stats if you started smoking again (or maybe Matt and Brittany).
Now, think of this:
Because you stopped smoking…
You will more likely live a longer life and get to enjoy more time with your assholes, oops I mean children.
You have less of a chance of getting a number of different cancers.
You can actually taste the beer, wine, or whatever you are putting in your mouth (stop thinking that!).
While I'm sad that you tried, I'm glad it didn't take. I want to have my PhD-er friend around for long time.
Regular cigarettes are horrible.
I hardly ever smoke but when I do they are Dijuram Clove Cigerellos (they banned the cigarettes) They are delightfuly sweet and don't smell so bad.
I am not condoning smoking.
But if you want to feel like your old self you could give those a try.
You know all the benefits of not smoking. I dont have to tell you those. Be glad they tasted like crap. Think of all the smokers that want to quit and cant. You have awesome will power (and so does your hubby) for giving it up. With that being said, my hubby says, try a menthol.
oh, I remember clove cigarettes. Only the bad boys smoked those
)
your hubby would say that!!!
It's nice to know someone else understands!
Awe, TT! This is why spring break sucks. One week without your wisdom and I'm falling apart
)
EEEK! I still have the occaisional smoke when I am out with my ROWDIES from college…the girls who know ALL my bad and love me anyway.
I get this…
'm glad it didn't work out for you! The next time your kids are acting crappy, I'll make you a cookie cake. They've been making me happy, lately!
Know what you mean about the well loved assholes. I have four of 'em. Wait, that didn't sound right, either. You know what I mean.
I smoked. Seriously! All through high school and college. Somewhere after that I lost the desire. Before my daughter was born (nearly 21 FREAKIN' years ago!!), I smoked my last cigarette. I don't miss it.
I am sure that I would be quite ill if I tried.
I don't know if wine is an acceptable substitute. It has worked so far…
haha! now only girls and girly boys smoke them! Well a few normal guys too I guess but I've never seen a bad boy smoke them… but then again I don't get too close to bad boys.