This post was written as part of the Silicon Valley Moms Blog January Book Club featuring Coco Chanel and Igor Stravinsky by Chris Greenhalgh. I received a complimentary copy of the book as part of the SVM book club.
In German it would be called ‘Ehebruch’
January 27, 2010 By 7 Comments
JFK was famous for it.
Prince Charles was never shy about it.
The Bridges of Madison County almost made you okay with it.
Angelina Jolie, always vocal about how she’d never engage in it due to the hurt it caused her mother, is in the new right now declaring it’s bologna.
John Edwards denied and then accepted a child from it. American Beauty made it seem common. Fatal Attraction made it scary, yet sexy. And, First Knight made it almost romantic. I’ve seen it happen with friends. I’ve seen it happen in my own extended family.
I’m talking about adultery.
This book, though categorized as a fictional account of the deep affair between the fashionista and the musician, is just another story of adultery to add to the list. What bothers me about the whole thing is that I’m not bothered.
I’m not bothered by adultery. I’m not shocked. I’m not appalled. It’s one of those things that exists, that just is.
And, I’m bothered by the fact that I’m not bothered.
I almost feel like I’ve been so conditioned by movies and books and watching those around me that it just seems inevitable. People cheat. People cheat every single day. Marriages, as much as I wish they were, are not always roses and sunshine. When something like an affair happens I feel like I should be shocked, dismayed. But usually the news is followed by a shrug of the shoulders. Meh. It happens.
I’ve always been a romantic. I’ve always enjoyed a good love story. I’ve never hidden the fact that I much prefer a happy ending to life and all its episodes. I never thought that as a romantic I’d so casually dismiss the fact that affairs exist and happen to even the most unlikely of people.
Perhaps my lack of surprise at the sheer amount of adultery that exists in the world happened just about the time I realized that remembering to turn the fan on while you take a crap is truly a romantic gesture when you’re married.
I’m just saying.
I know *most* mean cheat – it's an enormous percentage – and I know a lot of women cheat, too.
But it still bothers me. It still makes me cringe. It still makes me sad when I hear about it.
That being said, I don't think being a cheater makes some one less good at their job, less able to perform, or automatically a bad person. But I do so wish people would make better choices when it comes to that sort of thing. It's one of the most selfish acts a person can commit, in my opinion.
An interesting post, Christina. I think we've found an area where you and I are on opposite sides. I tend to hate most romantic movies and books because cheating is glamorized. If it's 'true love,' than it's okay.
My in-laws are VERY conservative, and Matt and I can't watch most movies with them. Even if it's a wonderful story, they dismiss it if the language is bad. However, if it's a romantic story with a happy ending and an affair happened to take place, it's okay. I don't get it.
I think you are right in that we have become numb to affairs b/c, unfortunately, we see them far too often.
I agree that we can enjoy the "art" made by an unethical person. Igor was clearly a cheater, but that makes him no less talented. I loved the part about the fan in the bathroom!
I guess I was tired last night–I meant "then" not "than." Anyway, I wanted to clarify a little. I do think many wonderful novels and movies contain affairs, and many talented artists are cheaters. I guess I'm more disturbed by the Hollywood view of love–that it's always passionate, sweeps one off one's feet, and justifies one having an affair. I don't think that's real life, yet many leave marriages b/c they have been fooled into thinking that that is real life.
Okay, I'll get off my soapbox!
Jennifer, you make some good points for sure. I'm a romantic in the sense that if a movie makes an affair look okay, then I'm okay with it too which is wacked. And yes, I know many couples who have had affairs, and have broken up because of said affairs. When children are involved, the whole glamour and romantic-ness is totally gone, IMO. I also think celebrities who live in Hollywood shouldn't be allowed to get married anymore!
I love the way you began your post. It really hooked me from the start. Very creative!
I really disliked this book because it has to do with adultery. There's a lot of baggage there for me with my parents and I hate how often it is used as a literary device. Adultery tears families apart and always causes pain. Focusing on the passion just increases the temptation.
Love your example of romance in marriage!
Don't just blame the artists and Hollywood. We have to remember that politicians are just as bad. I really love to hear a politician say that they are against gay marriage because it will ruin the sanctity of marriage and then get caught in an affair (sometimes with the opposite sex). I know this takes the conversation to a much deeper level than intended, but why is it we have become so forgiving of adultery in our society and have made divorce seem like an everyday occurrence? Isn't that killing marriage? Maybe if we allowed anybody to marry whomever they chose, then people wouldn't have to hide in a closet and cheat. I'm just saying…
By the way…I know how much you enjoy friends, so I'll leave you with a quote that highlights the light-hearted view of adultery. "We were on a break!"