October 2009 Archives - hooey!critic

We’re going down! Save yourselves!!!

October 30, 2009 By Neena 5 Comments

We’ve been pretty lucky up to this point. We’ve sucked down the orange juice, taken our vitamins with fervor, and lathered ourselves in Lysol.

But, it was all for not…

The creepy crud is officially here.

Two of the three kids are down for the count.

One has diarrhea. Thank God it’s the one in diapers, but still…

One has a combination of what I’m diagnosing as flu with a side of strep. We’ll know for sure after I drag all three children to the pediatrician this morning – pending we can get an appointment.

If it’s hit two of the three then it’s bound to his my boy before the weekend is out.

I’m sure us parents will be graced with its presence right about the time work arrives on Monday.

But, such is life.

So, I’m surrendering and raising the white flag. Tape up the door and quarantine us all. We’ll be spending our weekend fluids and way too many cartoons.

Now, if you’ll excuse me I must man my post by the phone so that when the pediatrician starts taking calls at exactly 7:30 I’ll…

sit on hold forever like everyone else happy to take whatever they have ’cause that’s how our pediatrician rolls.

Filed Under: sickness

He thought of me…

October 27, 2009 By Neena 6 Comments

He was a little sad that morning in the car. He kept telling me how much he would miss me while at preschool and insisted that I be at the front of the carpool line that afternoon to pick him up.

Of course I’ll pick you up, honey. And, I’ll do my best to be as close to the front of the line as possible.

I worried that his mist-filled eyes were a sign that it might be a less than stellar day at school. If the past has taught me anything it’s that his sad eyes make for a rough day.

I went to pick him up that afternoon and watched nervously out the window until I saw his little face appear in the door.

There’s my handsome boy.

I smiled. He smiled back.

“I thought about you today, Mommy. I missed you.”

Oh, darling. I missed you, too.

He handed me something small. Soft.

“I picked this for you today on the playground.”

A flower. A small, slightly over-clenched flower.

It was the first flower he’d ever given me. And, he did it because he was thinking of me.

It’s perfect. I love it.

I couldn’t bare to toss it even though it was too wilted and delicate to handle. But, I wanted to keep it. I needed to keep it.

I placed it between the pages of my Bible.

It’ll be safe in there.

“Will you keep it forever, Mommy?”

Forever and ever, amen.

Filed Under: jake, photo, sappy crap

Honesty really is the best policy – well, we’ll see…

October 26, 2009 By Neena 9 Comments

Debby tagged me in a meme that seemed just a bit more fun and a little more shady than the average meme.

Of course that meant I had to participate.

In the Completely Honest Meme I need to list 10 secrets or things I’ve never told anyone. Since my husband pretty much knows everything I’ll just share some stuff I’ve never told my readers…

For our first wedding anniversary I had artistic nude photos taken of myself as a gift for Hubby. They still hang on the wall in our bedroom. I often look at them and think ‘Damn, I was hot!’

I never went to the prom because I never had a date. I was kind of a loser.

I have not seen or talked to my real father in years. Last I heard he was dying.

I kissed a girl once in high school. I didn’t like it.

I once sold a half empty bottle of vodka to the neighbor kid so I’d have money to buy cigarettes. I was 17.

I didn’t believe in God until I was in my 20′s.

I think Barack Obama is a tool. Well, that’s not really a secret.

I am completely addicted to the Freak Shows at the fair. I know they are a total rip-off, but I never hesitate to pay the 2 buck to see a two-headed goat.

The sound I make when I blow my nose has been compared to the sounds of a moose mating call.

I once wrecked my car driving home on a snowy night. I told my parents I slid on the ice, but I really hit two trees because the boy in my car was trying to feel me up.

I’ll understand if you never come back again. Or, you could share a secret in the comments and make a gal not feel so freakish and weird.

Hello?

Filed Under: meme

This morning I was in the bathroom helping my five year old fix her hair for school. She was standing on a stool in front of the sink and asked if I would pull her hair up to keep in out of her face. I grabbed a purple rubber band from the drawer and started to pull up her hair when I noticed something.

She was tall.

She was so tall that standing on the stool was no longer required for her to reach the sink or for me to fix her hair. She had grown. Overnight it seems, but she had grown. She doesn’t need the stool to help her reach her toothbrush or hang up her towel after a bath. She doesn’t need my help to wash her hair or get dressed in her clothes. She’s growing.

They’re all growing.

The monitor next to my bed is really unnecessary these days. The baby, who’s teetering dangerously close to two, doesn’t require constant nighttime supervision. The monitor that lasted five years and 3 babies needs to be put away. It may be what I used to listen to their soft breathing when they were so small and helpless, but now they just come wake me up when they need something.

If they need something.

They use the bathroom, get water, find their lost stuffed animals, and adjust their night lights all on their own. The baby plays quietly and waits patiently in her crib until someone comes to fetch her. No tears, no fussing. They’re growing up.

The crib is becoming obsolete. In a few short weeks the crib will be transformed into a ‘big girl’ bed. While all three of my babies slept their first years in that crib, it won’t make another appearance until I’m welcoming my grandchildren – many years from now.

I’m watching my children grow. I’m seeing the baby phase move quickly into the distance and I’m watching trips to friends houses emerge. I’m watching them become readers and thinkers and imaginary unicorn catchers. I’m watching them explore and discover.

And, I’m watching because the worlds I hear most are ‘No, Mama. I can do it myself!’

Anyone know how to slow this down?

*originally written for Deep South Moms

Filed Under: DSM, growing up, kids

We’re in serious trouble if this is as good as it gets…

October 20, 2009 By Neena 19 Comments

All of the follow quotes were taken from college level essays that I graded for one of my professors. Many were written by Sophomores and Juniors. Should we start praying now!?

“I always thought japanese and Koreans were the same race.”

“This is the first time I heard about ‘womanhood.’ I though there was only manhood.”

“Brazilian women do not swim because big arms and shoulders are not acceptable in their culture. They avoid that because in their culture that is unattractive to men.”

“The American Cancer Society doesn’t seem like everyone’s first pick as the most fun group to be a member of.”

“Nowadays the number of less fortunate, lower class people are able to participate in golf due to the enormous amount of programs allowing them to play on actual courses.”

“Black history month is a time for people of African American or Black descent to come together and celebrate something as an ethnic group by themselves. Whites, Mexicans, and Asians, do not really celebrate this month because they are not black and do not share the experiences that people of African American race share such as oppression of slavery, discrimination, or having ancestors who have died because they were fighting for their freedom.”

“The kids are only in high school, they shouldn’t have their minds set on being gay that early in life.”

And, yes. The rest of the essays are as bad as you’re thinking. And, I’m sure you wouldn’t be at all surprised to know that one student quoted Lil’ Wayne as a means of demonstrating diversity.

I’d request hazard pay for all the brain cells I lost by grading them, but the budget cuts…

Filed Under: PhD, wow

how love should be…

October 19, 2009 By Neena 2 Comments

If we had celebrated with a big wedding I would have insisted this be our song.

Of all music in all the world this sounds to me exactly how love should be…

When I listen and close my eyes I picture love aging gracefully.

I see the fragile, wrinkled hands of two people joined by more than years. There’s an embrace so strong it almost melts into one. And, the soft sway of two people smiling at the past and welcoming the future.

I see babies being born and mothers rocking sweetly in the night. I see young girls dancing on their daddy’s toes and a young man nervously holding hands with the one that said ‘yes.’

I see quiet evenings spent reading and laughing and smiling as we give thanks for being lucky enough to find it.

I hear this song and it sounds to me how love should be…

Real, timeless, indescribable love.

Extraordinary, immeasurable, all-consuming love.

Tonight I say thank you for this blessing I have in my family. I hug my children and watch them sleep. I remind myself that everything will work out with faith. And, I give my husband another kiss – all to the tune of Moon River…

Filed Under: sappy crap, song, video

If you don’t know Kate Inglis well, shame on you!

October 14, 2009 By Neena 2 Comments

I met Kate Inglis when I went to Blogher this past July and immendiately came home and began stalking her blog. She’s an amazing writer and has this ability to observe the world like no other. I love getting lost in her words and stories.

Not long after learning of her blog and becoming a dedicated fan I discovered that she was publishing a book! This is always a big deal in the blog world. We rally and cheer and shout from the rooftops when one of our fellow bloggers gets a book deal. But, her book is a little different.

I can’t even explain the premise, but I do know that I’ve been aching to get my hands on her book so that I can snuggle down with my children and read aloud the adventures of The Dread Crew: Pirates of the Backwoods. When I read that she was offering a chance for me to get my hands on an advanced copy of the book and participate in a first review of the book I wanted to jump at the chance. So, here it is: My chance to win and a meme about stories…

1) You are facing an epic journey. You may choose one companion, one tool and one vehicle from any book or film to accompany you. Or just one of the three. It’s up to you. What do you choose? Jesus. If I’m taking and epic journey I’m taking The Lord with me!

2) You can escape to the insides of any book. Where do you go, and why? The Great Gatsby – the setting and parties and costumes are so breath-taking! Plus, some of those characters could use a swift kick in the behind!

3) You can bring one literary character into your current life. Who do you choose, and why? Anne Shirley – I think we would be kindred spirits!

4) The Garden of Eden is my go-to book. I could read that book fifty-seven times in a row without a break for food or a pee and not be remotely bored. In fact I’ve already done that but it wasn’t fifty-seven times. It was sixty-four.

5) Of all the literary or film characters that made an impression on you as a kid, who was the most enviable? No specific character comes to mind, but Judy Blume sure made a mark.

6) Of all the literary or film characters that made an impression on you as a kid, who was the most frightening? That pig-nosed character from the Star Wars movies. He gave me the most horrible and vivid nightmares!

7) Every time I read Flannery O’Connor, I see something in it that I haven’t seen before.

It is imperative that The Garden of Eden be made into a movie. Now. I am already picketing Hollywood for this—but if they cast Tom Cruise as the main character, I will not be happy. I will, however, be appeased if they cast Durmot Mulroney.

9) A Thousand Country Road (Epilogue to The Bridges of Madison County) is a book that should never be made (or should have never been made) into a film.

10) After all these years, the slaughter scene in the book/movie A Day No Pigs Would Die still manages to give me the queebs.

11) After all these years, the scene where Bastian and the Luck Dragon fly over Fantasia after it’s been saved in the book/movie The Neverending Story still manages to give me a thrill.

12) If I could corner the author Charles Bukowski, here’s what I’d say to them one minute or less about their book, I may only have a minute, but I’ve just got to see if you’re really so crass in person.

13) The coolest non-fiction book I’ve ever read is Art As Experience by John Dewey. Every time I flip through it, it makes me want to help the world have a true love of art and literature and music.

Filed Under: meme

sharing his birthday wish

October 13, 2009 By Neena 6 Comments

So my husband turned 33 today.

He says he feels old.

I don’t think he’s old. I think he’s sophisticated and rather dashing for his years.

I’m a firm believer that if I fill his belly with homemade goodness he’ll see it as a translation of my love for him and realize how much I love celebrating his existence in this world.

So, in honor of his birthday I made him two of his favorites…

Triple layer carrot cake and Pineapple Upside down cake.

He couldn’t decide which sounded better for his day so I decided for him and just made both. Then he’d only have to choose which to eat first. Gluttonous I suppose, but still a rounded, icing filled symbol of my love.

We had a fairly low key dinner as a family with the kids scurrying to tell their stories fast enough and me just enjoying having all of us at the same table. We laughed and smiled.

When it came time to blow out his candles, Hubby stepped aside and allowed his anxious and excited children the chance to do it for him.

I didn’t think much of it at the time, but looking back I realize how amazing and unselfish it is to watch someone give away their birthday wish so graciously.

He didn’t hesitate. He just shared the moment with his children.

A silly tradition maybe, but still a moment each year when a person is almost expected to dream. And he passed on his chance.

When asked what they wished for their daddy the kids answered honestly and stated that they wished for daddy to have a Barbie video game and a new Dr. Freeze toy.

They’re five and four. I have no excuse other than that.

But, they wished for him and he watched it happen.

I was in the corner snapping pictures at that moment.

And, from where I stood he doesn’t look like a man who felt he’d given up anything at all.

Happy Birthday, Baby. I love you.

Filed Under: birthdays, hubby

admitting defeat

October 12, 2009 By Neena 16 Comments

Okay, it’s official.

I’m fat.

Not like oh, this is my time of the month and my size 2 skinny jean are feeling a little snug around the middle.

We’re talking holy fuck! when the hell did that get so big and hello! is my crotch even down there anymore!?

Somewhere in the midst of having 3 babies, a hysterectomy, a breast reduction, and going back to school my ass grew a few sizes. Seriously. I put on a dress the other day and looked a good 5 months pregnant. I wish I could blame my pooch on the growing of a human life, but sorry folks that factory is closed.

That only means one thing…

No more babies = no more blaming of the extra weight on babies.

It was as if I hit rock bottom this weekend. I kept looking in the mirror (by the way, thanks Mr. Builder Man that felt it necessary to install the biggest fucking mirrors known to man in the master bathroom) and thinking how did I let it get this bad!?

That used to be flat.

And that used to not be so…so full.

I’ve tried weight loss tricks over the years, but since my youngest was born 21 months ago I can’t seem to lose a damn pound. Hell, I even when to a fat clinic to attempt to lose weight and got yelled at because I couldn’t keep my heart rate up around a thousand for a good 30 minutes.

Bastards.

And, yes I exaggerate…a little. The dramatics help me feel better.

So, this rock bottom (also known as my Grand Canyon Ass) needs to lose weight.

And, frankly that sucks.

Dieting sucks.

Exercise pisses me off.

I like food.

How is it possible for someone that enjoys food and has never really found an exercise she enjoys to lose weight? Is it possible?

I don’t know the answers to any of those, but I’m doing an Internet cry for help.

Come on, folks! What are my options here?

Can’t you all just unite and show up at my house and make exercise and eating healthy fun and wonderful and full of puppies and rainbows? Please?

Or am I destined to a life of processed, prepackaged, shakes and supplements that will surely help me lose weight as long as I stay on them forever and ever amen?

All I know is that I have to do something. I have tried advice people have given me in the past, but it all seems unnatural somehow.

Living on shakes.

Diet supplements.

Food Journals.

Only eating one meal and a bunch of snacks.

Drinking so much water that all I do is pee all day long.

I need to try something different yet I don’t know where to begin.

Filed Under: weight

off the hook

October 8, 2009 By Neena 7 Comments

Every once in a while the things of life can get a little crazy. We find ourselves faced with new commitments, old commitments, responsibilities, and the many things that keep us busy.

It’s the stuff of life.

Certain things may fall to the wayside while others get picked up with a vengeance.

That’s just the way it happens.

My blog and my writing have gone through phases, too. There was a time when I felt the need to post every day of the week. I felt obligated to put something up every day. I somehow believed that posting daily was a sign of my commitment.

A while back I decided to quit blogging on the weekends. I let myself off the hook, if you will. I gave myself permission to spend my weekends focused on my family and my other writing projects – the ones that have yet to surface among the world. I felt some relief when I did this, but still felt a sense of obligation to post Monday through Friday – even if I had nothing of substance, nothing of depth to say.

The have to was deafening…

I found myself more committed to the number of posts I created and not the words themselves. The writing began to lose its meaning. It was as if I was doing this for everyone else and not for myself. And frankly, no one’s world stops when I don’t post for a day or two.

Or a week.

Those that come here to read and engage with my stories will still visit and those that don’t come often won’t know the difference.

The bottom line is that life is messy. Life is changing and rearranging and growing and moving in many ways. I have a family and a husband that I am aching to reconnect with. I have other writing projects waiting for their turn. So, I’m letting myself off the hook. Again.

I’m not taking a break completely from blogging, but I’m giving myself permission to post only when I feel I have something valuable to put out there. That could be twice a month. That could be several times a week. It doesn’t matter.

I just want to get back to the point where I remember what it is I love about blogging and what it is that makes me a better writer. I believe taking the pressure off will help me see which direction I’m meant to go with my writing. It will help me focus more on the quality of the words and the power of story.

I appreciate each and every one of you that come here and read or comment. Even though I won’t be appearing Monday through Friday I hope you’ll still stop by to visit. I don’t intend for this blog to become sporadic. I just intend for it to become something…

more.

That is my new commitment.