October 2008 Archives - hooey!critic

maneater

October 31, 2008 By Neena 4 Comments

I took the kids to their sister’s Halloween party today. They were thrilled to go and Mia was elated that we showed up and shared in the festivities. After the 3 tons of sugar and juice was consumed it turned into free play all around the classroom (or as I like to call it: anybody have a sedative?)

Jake ran off and immediately found dinosaurs. Mia played with her friends and tried to rearrange all the teacher’s supplies. Charlotte found something a little more interesting.

First, she looked and thought about making her move.

She though about it a little longer making sure to weigh her options…

She decides to go for it, taking her loot with her…

She entices the boy with her moroccan abilities, making him unable to take his eyes off her…

Then she leaves him in the dust and he cries for his mommy…

Oh, the joys we’ll have when this one is a teenager.

Happy Halloween, Blogging Friends! I’ll be stealing all peanut butter confections from their itty-bitty hands. You?

Filed Under: charlotte, halloween, photos

My dirty little secrets

October 30, 2008 By Neena 3 Comments

I was tagged by A Small Town City Girl to name my top 7 secrets/oddities that nobody really knows. Hrm…this could be dangerous, but I’ll play along. Considering ya’ll already think I’m a weirdo I don’t think my answers will be too shocking. So, here goes:

1. I think I might be a little psychic. Not alot, just a little. No, really!

2. If I ever had to become a porn star or a stripper (you know, for a vacation fund or something) I would use the name Crystal Showers and dance to ‘Baby Did a Bad Bad Thing” by Chris Isaak.

3. I wanted to major in Journalism in college, but I was too afraid I wouldn’t be able to find a job. So, I picked education instead.

4. I think Dr. House is HOT!

5. I didn’t learn how to balance my checkbook until about 2 years ago. Now I balance it everyday and won’t stop until it balances to the penny.

6. I actually wanted to have a big wedding, but I couldn’t afford it. Hubby and I plan to have a renewal ceremony someday and he has promised to make it the wedding of my dreams.

7. I have a theory that the more alike a person’s chemistry is to someone else the more they can tolerate the smell of their #2.

Now that I have sufficiently lost yet another handful of readers, I tag my fun bloggy friend, Andrea, over at Sweet Life.

Blog on, my friends!

Filed Under: tagged

psst…

October 29, 2008 By Neena 4 Comments

I found my dream home! It’s a beautiful, historic home that needs ‘just a little’ restoration. It is one of those ‘my grand kids can come visit me here’ kind of houses! Look at that porch and those trees! Oh, I’m getting drunk off the thoughts of sipping sweet tea on the porch in the Spring whist I glisten in the sun.* It is just a tad out of my price range, listed at 1.3 million. And, it is nowhere near where hubby could get a good job, but whatever! What do ya say? Are ya’ll ready to help me bust out of this drafty, unfriendly subdivision? In an effort to move along the process I’ve decided to take up a collection. You can contribute to the purchase of my dream house by making a donation at www.nofreakinwaythatisgoingtohappen.com

I’ll just wait here while you grab the checkbook…

*As my friend RM informed me this past summer: Southern girls don’t sweat, they glisten. Well, I’m technically a Yankee with hot flashes, but dag-nabit, I can sure as hell fake a glisten!

Filed Under: collection, house, photo

family toilet lore…

October 28, 2008 By Neena 5 Comments

A couple weeks ago Hubby and I spent a Saturday fixing the toilet in the bathroom our kids use. It should be noted that by ‘we’ I mean he fixed the toilet and I ran kid interference while they attempted to ask their father a billion question about toilets, God, birthdays, and farts. For some reason I always get that job, but whatever!

This toilet has become well know in our house and throughout the family. It always clogs, wiggles when we sit on it, and, according to Mia, has been broken several times by the sheer size of her poopy. This particular toilet never gave us much trouble until my mother paid us a visit. It was during one of her routine visits that she managed to break the toilet with what we now call her ‘Satanic Ass Lava.’ Let me just say that even if I didn’t love and adore my husband I would stay with him out of sheer respect – the man had to clean up the S.A.L that my mother left and never complained – even without a gas mask.

So, we spent a couple hours on a Saturday and two trips to the home improvement store making the toilet as good as new. It hasn’t clogged since and has yet to wiggle under the sheer volume of my ass. Problem solved. The toilet is good as new, all is right with the world, and my mother isn’t due for a visit for a while.

But, yesterday I had some of my own issues with an upset tummy. As any parent knows this always hits at the most inconvenient time. Not there is ever a convenient time for the ‘rrhea, but anyway! I ran to the bathroom- one kid crawling and screaming at me – one kids in desperate need of finding his spider and cricket – and one kid that felt now was the time for conversation:

Mia: Mommy, what are you doing?

Me: I’m going potty sweetheart.

Mia: But, you ran really fast to the bathroom. We don’t run in the house.

Me: Well, honey, mommy’s tummy is really upset and I needed to go potty.

Mia: Oh, do you have diarrhea like Grandma did when she broke the potty?

Me: Uh, I guess you could say that.

Mia: Well, don’t break our potty. Daddy just fixed it.

I seriously think I need to start closing the door. I’m not about to become the butt of more toilet jokes. No pun intended.

Filed Under: mia, photos, toilet

Longing for that Midwestern goodness

October 27, 2008 By Neena 4 Comments

For anyone that does not already know the details of my sordid past, let me share some with you. I’m sure I’ve mentioned before that I’m not from Georgia. I was born and raised in Ohio amongst the corn, flat land, and football. I will be honest and say that I hated it when I lived there. I couldn’t wait to be the girl that escaped and discovered the world. I guess you could say I sorta did that in 1999 when I moved to Georgia.

I was going to school at BGSU and met a boy from Georgia. To make a long story short I transferred schools and moved here to continue being with him. Shortly after I moved here we broke up and I began dating one of his good friends. Now, before anyone goes and acts all shocked at my horrible sluttiness, I did end up marrying that good friend and we are now the overly tired parents of three weirdos. But, that is getting off track. When we got married we never really discussed where we would live. I think we both assumed that we would just stay down here. His family was here, his job was here, and I was perfectly content to live the life of a Southerner and spend my leisure time drinking sweet tea and learning to cook collard greens*. It wasn’t until my youngest, Charlotte, was born that I began to think about life in Ohio.

Hubby and I always agreed that it was important for our children to experience certain things that we each had growing up. We have done our best to include many of his ‘country life’ traditions and mingle them with my Midwestern ideals. So far it has been successful.

Now that the weather is turning cold I find myself longing to give my children the experience of a true Northern winter. I long to dress them in snow suits, shove them out the door to play for hours only to call them in moments before frostbite sets and their toes fall off. I ache to see the rosy chill on their cheeks and a poorly knitted cap on their heads. I want to yell at them the way my mother and grandmother used to about putting on a hat, not going outside with wet hair, and the ever popular ‘I don’t care how dorky that coat/hat/boots are – you don’t go unless you wear them.’ I want them to make snowballs and experience the sheer pain that comes with being pelted with one made out of that perfectly icy snow. I want them to see a white Christmas and I want them to learn the ways of driving in snow and ice. I want to pass on that aspect of my childhood.

This is not very far off from what I remember as a child. Hell, I spoke to my mother this morning and it was spitting snow! It’s October and, frankly, I’m a little jealous.

I’m not sure if we’ll ever actually move North. There is something about a Southern boy like Hubby that has a need and a genuine respect for the past and roots. But, as the weather begins to turn cold, I can’t help but long for a real fire, a snow storm, and dirty snowman in the front yard. Maybe someday my kids will have that experience as part of their childhood. Maybe they will only ever know the joys of Southern weather. I do hope that somewhere between the Midwest and the South there is a happy compromise.

*I don’t actually cook collard greens. Frankly, I think they are rather gross. But, I can make a mean can of spinach…that’s almost the same.

Filed Under: reflections, snow, winter

What I learned on a typical weekend

October 26, 2008 By Neena 1 Comment

I am relieved to say that this weekend was rather uneventful for our circus of a household. But, even though we didn’t have any infectious cat bites I certainly learned a few interesting things.

I learned that my cat Isa, the nice one that didn’t bite me, is so fat that when she is sprawled in my lap she can support the weight of Macbook without being affected or put out in any way. She stayed there comfortably for about 30 minutes before her enormous girth was too much for even me.

I learned that there is no way to get a four year old and a three year old to agree on a pumpkin face unless you let daddy draw it and then shout ‘back up! there’s knives everywhere!’ Meet Wally Scary, our pumpkin graciously named by our children.

I also learned that even tricycles can be dangerous and it is a good thing we make the kids wear helmets. We took the kids to the park today to practice riding bikes. We did this mainly to ease my mind from the weird anxiety I have about my kids lacking the strength and skills to pedal. Mia freaked out when the wind blew and felt she was going too fast. She stopped riding. Jacob gave it a bit more effort, but gave up for good reason. Did you know that tricycles don’t have brakes? Jacob discovered this after he began to pedal, couldn’t stop, and flew over the edge of the trail and into a small ravine. I don’t have pictures of this because, well, I’m just not that bad of a mother. He fell about 6 or 7 feel and landed flat on his face. He emerged with no injuries and a new hatred for his tricycle. We came home and practiced riding more in the driveway and hubby informed me that the only way our children could be so bad with steering and balance is if they had been eating paste or were drunk. I really wanted to agree.

The weekend is almost over and Monday will be here soon enough. I’m sure next week will bring a whole new load of craziness…in costumes!

Filed Under: kids, photo, photos. self, pumpkins, weekends

I got nothin!

October 24, 2008 By Neena 3 Comments

It is cold and rainy and I’m aching to relax in a bubble bath. So, because I’m fresh out of ideas and uber-tired I leave you with this picture of Baby Charlotte taking over the web cam. Topless, no less!

p.s. The pictures hanging on the wall was passed down to us by my dear mother-in-law. Can anyone explain what the hell is happening to that poor guy in that boat. Either he’s on fire or he’s got some flaming gas coming out his wazoo! What do you think?

Filed Under: charlotte, picture

Random Quotes from around the house

October 23, 2008 By Neena 1 Comment

I feel like this week can officially be put in the uber-weird category and it isn’t even over yet! So, to give myself a small break tonight, I share with you some random things I have heard around the house this week.

What is God’s phone number? I mean, you have Santa’s number, so what’s God and Jesus’ number? – Mia

Mommy, you should really do some laundry tomorrow. It is sure in a big pile! – Mia

Hey, Bitch! – Mother in law to the cat (the one that bit me)

Boys have the penis! – Jake

“When we think crafty we think of you!” – Mia’s teacher (to me regarding pumpkin ideas)

These are so random, yet so normal for our little Georgia house. I am so glad tomorrow is Friday. I feel like this week needs to end so that a new one (minus cat bites, sickness, and flu shots) can begin. I am so glad there is a fresh bottle of wine in the fridge and a new Grey’s Anatomy on in just a few hours.

Filed Under: quotes

Laughter is good for a marriage, right!?

October 22, 2008 By Neena 2 Comments

“The math club is having a super fun party this weekend. There’s going to be pizza and soda. Would you like to accompany me?”

“I’d really like to read you some poetry from my journal.”

“Just let me grab my fanny pack and shut down my Commodore 64 and

I’ll be ready for our date.”

“Do you want to see the view from the back of my Delorean?”

**I’m sorry, Hubby. I’m sure I owe you for this one *wink*

**Thanks to The Pioneer Woman for introducing me to such a great (and hilarious) website.

Filed Under: hubby, photos

as if this week had not started off bad enough

October 21, 2008 By Neena 3 Comments

Today marks a new milestone in this crazy world we call parenting. For the first time (and I’m sure not the last) my 3 year old son informed me that he hates me and that I’m not his best friend anymore.

Why did he say these things to me?

Because I made him get in the car so that we could go pick up his sister from school. I’m the world’s meanest mommy!

I can’t quite figure out where he even heard something like this, but he felt the need to lash it out on yours truly. Harsh, huh!?

Maybe he’s just mad because it looks like I’ve been flipping him the bird for 48 hours. Maybe he’s upset because I had the sheer audacity to not leave him home alone while I went to pick up his sister. Maybe Venus has just just been mooned by Saturn or something. Who knows!?

Anyone want to buy me a week in Aruba? Me and my infected cat finger could use the break.

Anyone…?