Today was doctor day here at crazy house. Mia had her four year checkup and Charlotte had her four month checkup. I booked the appointments together thinking that I would kill two birds with one stone. Yea, I won’t be doing that again! Somewhere in my brilliant mind I felt that it was okay to book double appointments right after preschool, during naps, and overlapping snack time. In my own defense I booked the appointment two months ago. I must have been having one of those “optimistic-this motherhood thing is a breeze” days. Another mistake that will not be made again.
We get to the office and I begin the unloading process. I drag the gigantic stroller out of the back of the SUV because carrier+baby=HEAVY. I figured I’d help myself out a bit. I got it open and managed to get the diaper bag positioned underneath. This must be done before the carrier is placed in the stroller because otherwise it won’t fit. I also had to make sure that my wallet and doctor notes were easily accessible once we got inside. I get the carrier placed in the stroller and hurry to cover Charlotte’s face from the hot sun. I push the stroller around to the other side of the car and help the other two out. Jake takes my hand and refuses to let his dinosaur or his cookie monster finger puppet stay in the car. This makes freeing his other hand for his sister to hold impossible. So, I urge her to hold on to the stroller. We begin crossing the parking lot. I’m really glad the lot is so small.
I manage to get the front door open and held while directing two children and a stroller through it. Thanks, handicapped button, for not working today! We immediately turn right and I do the same with the door to the pediatric suite. We get inside and I wait my turn. I sign in the girls and inform them of our insurance changes. Then comes time to dig out the wallet to retrieve new insurance card and my preferred method of payment. I sign my receipt and we move the the well waiting room. Again, same door scenario. We get inside and Jake stands on the chair excited that toons were on the TV. Mia sits and pouts, frustrated that her brother will not share the loot he managed to get from the car to the office. Charlotte smiles at me and gives me hope that this might actually go well.
The nurse comes into the waiting room and calls their names. She kindly holds the door for me and directs us to room 9. We get there and Mia is told to remove her shoes and I need to strip Charlotte down to her diaper. We accomplish this part easily, but then we are told to move to the triage room for weights, heights, etc… We head down there and Mia goes first. She is real good about getting the weight/height/blood pressure thing done. When it’s Charlotte’s turn, Mia and Jake proceed to open cabinets, sing Christian hymns loudly, and push the blood pressure cart around discussing the merits of how it really does look like a clock. While Charlotte is getting weighed she decided to pee everywhere. I lift her up and grab the ‘towel’ she was laying on. I quickly wipe her and do my best to clean up the area and get the diaper back on as quick as possible. During this time Mia is having her hearing test that is required for entry into Pre-K this fall. She is to raise her hand when she hears the beep. She did this well except that she kept forgetting to lower her hand so the nurse thought she was hearing beeps that weren’t there. We repeated the test a few times.
We headed back to room 9 and were told that our doctor would be in soon. Jake immediately scrambled to get out a stool so that he could attempt to touch the exam room computer. Mia sang louder and took off all her clothes. The last part was an instruction from the nurse. After about 10 minutes the kids are getting restless. Charlotte is drooling all over me and wanting to stand. Jake is opening and closing the door. Mia is doing everything but what I asked her to do. And, I am noticing exactly how friggin hot that room is. Some kid in the next room begins screaming in complete terror, followed by who I can only assume was his sibling. I later learned they just received the same shots mine were due to get. Yikes.
The doctor comes in and the kids get super excited. She humors them well and gets in the bulk of questions she has for me. She decides to start with Mia and pulls her up on the table. She asks her questions about food, school, and all that is interesting to a four year old. The exam is rather routine and ends with a good bill of health and a referral to a dermatologist for her dry skin. She then informs me that Mia is due for 5 shots, not 1, like I originally thought. She said they needed to be done by kindergarten, but that we could get them out of the way now. Apparently kids get more afraid of shots as they get older so it’s better to go hard, go fast, and be done if you can. I chose to go this route…
Jake was so curious during Mia’s exam that the doctor pulled him on the table and pretended to give him a quick check up. He was satisfied and then when to sit and play with his ‘grass eating’ dinosaur.
Charlotte’s exam was very quick and painless. She’s on track and growing like a weed. We discussed solid food, poop habits, and ended with a re-diagnosis of reflux. I can handle that. I then learn that she’s due for four shots.
Charlotte’s 4 shots+Mia’s five shots=Oh crap!!!
Doc leaves and quickly returns with my referral, some ‘wonderful’ literature to read, and a free can of formula. Okay, free formula: I’m happy. The nurse comes back in with the big red disposal jug and a hand full of needles that easily looked like part of Freddy Kruger. Mia announces that her baby sister is going first. Yea, let the one with no motor skills show ya how to ‘take it like a man.’ I lay Charlotte down and in rather speedy time the nurse puts two shots in each leg. The breathless crying begins. I pick her up, pop in the binkie and she easily calms. I lay her in the carrier so that I may focus on Mia. Jake thinks this is an ideal time to be helpful and push his baby sister in the stroller. All he manages to do is bang the wall and upset her greatly. Oh, well. My other is getting her five shots. My focus is elsewhere. Mia states her bravery and puts her head on my shoulder as she gets three shots in one arm and two in the other. She cries loudly and tells the nurse that the shots did actually hurt and she didn’t care what band aid she was going to get because that wouldn’t make it better. I did my best to calm her down.
We headed to check out shortly after I calmed Mia enough to head into the hall. Again, we waited in line. When my turn came I requested a receipt and the next check up appointment for Charlotte. I pulled my calender out from below the stroller and turned to the appropriate date. We discussed, counter offered, and finally settled on a date and time. She told the kids they could come around and pick out of their treasure chest. I thanked the nice lady and allowed them to pick a prize. Ten minutes later I pulled Jake away screaming because he couldn’t take all the animals home. Mia proudly left with a princess wand. We exited the office and the building much the same way we entered and made it to the car.
I dug out my keys to unlock the doors. I told the older two to climb in their seats. We argued back and forth for a minute and finally I just lifted them in. I moved to the other side and secretly cursed the guy who parked so close to the damn line. I got Charlotte’s carrier removed from the stroller and placed in the car. I struggled with the twisted straps and successfully buckled her in. I then opened the passenger door and threw in my diaper bag, handful of papers, a dinosaur, a cookie monster finger puppet, and key. I breathed. I then closed up the stroller, opened the back of the car and fumbled the sucker into place. I breathed again and realized it was really freaking hot outside. I went back to the other side, buckled the older two in their seats, quickly lectured them on their behavior, and told them to sit quietly all the way home. I exited the back of the car, climbed into the driver’s seat, breathed again, cursed myself for throwing my keys, and got back out to retrieve them. It figures they were just slightly out of reach.
All those in favor of bringing back cocktail hour, say ‘I’