Everybody is sick. The kids are sick. The husband is sick. I'm doing my part to stay off that list.
Everybody has some weird strain of the stomach bug. It causes severe nausea for several days before it decides to come out of one or both ends. Pleasant, huh.
I got up the other morning to discover sheets in one kid's room that needed to be cleaned, disinfected, and sterilized. I got up yesterday morning (at 5:00, mind you!) to the joys of vomit all over the bathroom and another kid's room. I'm still working on cleaning the comforter from that one.
My kitchen counter is covered in bottles of pepto-bismol, saltine crackers, and ginger-ale. My fridge is full of jello and there are bowls and buckets scattered around the house. I keep wanting to douse myself in sanitizer and lock myself in a hotel room until this passes.
My husband is traveling every weekend for the next month or so and I'm pretty sure this freakish bug is going to hit me about the time he boards his plane on Thursday. And then whose going to hold my bucket and change my sheets, huh?!
Seriously, if this could be it until after I finish the dissertation I'd be eternally grateful.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
The Puppy: One Year Later
Doc has officially been part of our family for a year. He's grown, changed colors, made himself at home, and won our hearts over and over. He's obsessed with tennis balls (of course!), chewing Crocs, eating pillows and spreading the fuzz everywhere, and manipulating the world with his eyebrows. And, man, is he good at it!
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| the day he came home |
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| becoming friends... |
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| proof my husband is a softie |
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| chewing Yoda |
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| hanging with his buddy |
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| on the fireplace |
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| on the bed |
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| in the chair...with his buddy |
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| dominating the kiddie pool |
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| nose |
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| those stinking eyebrows! |
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| on the couch |
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| on the fireplace...again |
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| joining the dark side |
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| his favorite sleeping spot |
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
100 Days
I've never really been one to flaunt my accomplishments. I tend to take the milestone and the goals with a "it's no big deal" attitude. Writing, birthdays, school - I've always played them off as if they don't matter. I'm not sure why I do this. Maybe I don't want to come off as arrogant. Maybe I don't want to steal the sunshine from someone doing something more profound or something bigger. Maybe I just don't know how to have pride and confidence in what I do.
Sure, occasionally I'll shout from the rooftops "Hey, I made it to the mall today with all 3 kids and nobody cried or peed or spilled hot chocolate in Macy's." Somehow that seems worthy of a pat on the back because really? 3 kids at the mall? That's like the bonus round of Fear Factor right there!
I've talked quite a bit on this blog about working on this PhD - about the struggles to balance it all, about maintaining myself and my voice in an academic world. In the midst of classes, papers, and defenses I've never actually let myself believe I can do this. I've downplayed this process and this accomplishment over and over again. It's just what I do. I'm not sure why. Perhaps I worry that I'll fail or not actually finish the program.
Today, though, I ordered my cap and gown for graduation in May.
I ordered the robe, the correct tassel, and the doctoral hood I'll get when I walk across the stage. I ordered it after I received a flier in the mail announcing "100 Days Until Graduation." At first I wanted to vomit a little because I still have so far to go. I still have to finish writing my dissertation, formatting it correctly, and defending it in from on my committee of super smart folks that I fear want to do nothing more than fail me so I'll finally stick around and teach a class or two.
Then I called my mom and step dad and sent a note to my husband. They cheered, sounded genuinely excited, and asked repeatedly if I'd be wearing purple (why I'm not sure!). My mom talked about flying down in May for the ceremony and my husband reminded me (again!) what an example this is for our kids.
And for a brief moment I was excited. For a brief moment I believed that I'm actually going to have PhD behind my name.
Then the dog chewed up a favorite barbie doll and I was quickly brought back to reality.
But still. 100 days...
Sure, occasionally I'll shout from the rooftops "Hey, I made it to the mall today with all 3 kids and nobody cried or peed or spilled hot chocolate in Macy's." Somehow that seems worthy of a pat on the back because really? 3 kids at the mall? That's like the bonus round of Fear Factor right there!
I've talked quite a bit on this blog about working on this PhD - about the struggles to balance it all, about maintaining myself and my voice in an academic world. In the midst of classes, papers, and defenses I've never actually let myself believe I can do this. I've downplayed this process and this accomplishment over and over again. It's just what I do. I'm not sure why. Perhaps I worry that I'll fail or not actually finish the program.
Today, though, I ordered my cap and gown for graduation in May.
I ordered the robe, the correct tassel, and the doctoral hood I'll get when I walk across the stage. I ordered it after I received a flier in the mail announcing "100 Days Until Graduation." At first I wanted to vomit a little because I still have so far to go. I still have to finish writing my dissertation, formatting it correctly, and defending it in from on my committee of super smart folks that I fear want to do nothing more than fail me so I'll finally stick around and teach a class or two.
Then I called my mom and step dad and sent a note to my husband. They cheered, sounded genuinely excited, and asked repeatedly if I'd be wearing purple (why I'm not sure!). My mom talked about flying down in May for the ceremony and my husband reminded me (again!) what an example this is for our kids.
And for a brief moment I was excited. For a brief moment I believed that I'm actually going to have PhD behind my name.
Then the dog chewed up a favorite barbie doll and I was quickly brought back to reality.
But still. 100 days...
Sunday, January 22, 2012
That, too, did pass
Right after Christmas my husband and I spent three full days cleaning out our attic and storage space. It was a job that was long overdue and was absolutely necessary if we didn't want to outgrow this house before the market has a chance to improve. We cleared countless boxes of toys, clothes, books, old computer equipment, and baby items. A couple weeks after finishing that I went around the house and removed all the baby safety latches on the cabinets, drawers, and doors.
I never thought about any of that while I was in the midst of doing it. But, I realized recently exactly what an amazing and terrifying milestone it was. I haven't lived without safety latches for the last eight years. Every time I wanted to open a cupboard or drawer I had to remember to reach in and push the latch down before it would give. There hasn't been a time in 8 years that the attic hasn't been filled with baby clothes, baby toys, highchairs, bounce seats, and potty training gadgets.
Not anymore.
Sure, we saved the crib and a few sentimental toys and books for our future grandbabies. But everything else is gone. Donated. Given away. Removed from the house. And the whole thing is bittersweet.
Our family is a family of five. We are what we are and I wouldn't change any of that. Maybe someday we will adopt, but I feel pretty certain that our family is complete - that one Jacob, one Amelia, and one Charlotte is what the Lord intended for our homestead. I'm a good mother for them and they are the perfect little babies for me. But, in the moment of removing the relics of their baby years I realized how fleeting it all was. My days of mothering babies is gone. I'm beginning my own growth phase of parenting children of a different age - an age of sleepovers, homework, extracurricular activities, sleep away camp, and personal opinions.
It's magical, this phase. It blows my mind everyday as I watch them grow into these incredible people that follow most statements with "No, I can do it myself, mom!" or "I can figure that out!" or "I can read that on my own!"
Exciting, really. And absolutely worth it.
But, I wonder how long I'll continue check the attic for that certain baby onesie or reach in the cupboard for that little white latch that has stopped me in my tracks for the last eight years...
and maybe I don't need to stop reaching for it anyway.
I never thought about any of that while I was in the midst of doing it. But, I realized recently exactly what an amazing and terrifying milestone it was. I haven't lived without safety latches for the last eight years. Every time I wanted to open a cupboard or drawer I had to remember to reach in and push the latch down before it would give. There hasn't been a time in 8 years that the attic hasn't been filled with baby clothes, baby toys, highchairs, bounce seats, and potty training gadgets.
Not anymore.
Sure, we saved the crib and a few sentimental toys and books for our future grandbabies. But everything else is gone. Donated. Given away. Removed from the house. And the whole thing is bittersweet.
Our family is a family of five. We are what we are and I wouldn't change any of that. Maybe someday we will adopt, but I feel pretty certain that our family is complete - that one Jacob, one Amelia, and one Charlotte is what the Lord intended for our homestead. I'm a good mother for them and they are the perfect little babies for me. But, in the moment of removing the relics of their baby years I realized how fleeting it all was. My days of mothering babies is gone. I'm beginning my own growth phase of parenting children of a different age - an age of sleepovers, homework, extracurricular activities, sleep away camp, and personal opinions.
It's magical, this phase. It blows my mind everyday as I watch them grow into these incredible people that follow most statements with "No, I can do it myself, mom!" or "I can figure that out!" or "I can read that on my own!"
Exciting, really. And absolutely worth it.
But, I wonder how long I'll continue check the attic for that certain baby onesie or reach in the cupboard for that little white latch that has stopped me in my tracks for the last eight years...
and maybe I don't need to stop reaching for it anyway.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
I'd say it's time for the Zombie Apocalypse
Joke or real - clearly we're all doomed.
Also: must stop clicking links.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Perhaps these are signs I need to work on my parenting
I love my kids. Some days, though, it seems like all I can accomplish is keeping them fed, give them a place to sugar crash, and carpool them to their various activities. Just about the time I start thinking "hey, this parenting gig? I got this!" they prove to me that perhaps I need to go back and invest a little more...
- Last week my mother-in-law was watching Charlotte. While they were outside playing Charlotte shouted "That fucking dog!" Yep. That's my 4 year old. I'll claim any "damns," "shits," and "craps," but I'm so not claiming the F-word.
- My 6 year old announced the other day that we should never trust The British. He was adamant about this. When I asked him where he learned that he happily stated "At boy scouts!" Um...ok.
- I keep finding random toys around the house like this...
Apparently quiet time is not so quiet and I'm actually raising a serial killer.
I'm guessing my parenting award got lost in the mail. Either that or they're waiting to see what kind of magical parenting I exhume while I run the Girl Scout booth next month. I'm guessing the tri-county area will leave with a couple boxes of thin mints, a new colorful vocabulary, and a need to murder the Lobster backs for their wild and crazy ways.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Just as soon as...
As soon as...
As soon as...
As soon as...
I feel like this phrase has become my response to everything lately. I'll get to that as soon as I finish my dissertation. I'll work on that as soon as I finish collecting data. I'll finally have time for that as soon as I graduate. Oy!
I just don't feel like my brain or schedule can handle anything else until I'm done with school. Keeping up with 3 kid schedules, after school activities, running the house, and finishing my dissertation does not allow for much else to make it on the list. And that's frustrating to me. See, I've have this overwhelming urge lately to get lost in the domesticity of my life. This PhD journey is coming to an end (hopefully!) and I'm finally realizing all the things I miss about being just a stay-at-home mom. I'm also realizing all the things I want to do with my time when school if finally done. Many people are eager to jump directly into a job when they finish school. Not me. I'm aching to embrace the domestic aspect of my life for a little bit and enjoy simple things.
Like, getting lost in the folding of the laundry. Or, tackling an organization project right when I feel it and not putting it off until I have more time.
So I've decided to make a list of all the things I plan to do this Spring when I finally graduate and no longer have my albatross/dissertation hanging around my neck.
As soon as...
As soon as...
I feel like this phrase has become my response to everything lately. I'll get to that as soon as I finish my dissertation. I'll work on that as soon as I finish collecting data. I'll finally have time for that as soon as I graduate. Oy!
I just don't feel like my brain or schedule can handle anything else until I'm done with school. Keeping up with 3 kid schedules, after school activities, running the house, and finishing my dissertation does not allow for much else to make it on the list. And that's frustrating to me. See, I've have this overwhelming urge lately to get lost in the domesticity of my life. This PhD journey is coming to an end (hopefully!) and I'm finally realizing all the things I miss about being just a stay-at-home mom. I'm also realizing all the things I want to do with my time when school if finally done. Many people are eager to jump directly into a job when they finish school. Not me. I'm aching to embrace the domestic aspect of my life for a little bit and enjoy simple things.
Like, getting lost in the folding of the laundry. Or, tackling an organization project right when I feel it and not putting it off until I have more time.
So I've decided to make a list of all the things I plan to do this Spring when I finally graduate and no longer have my albatross/dissertation hanging around my neck.
- Work on my vegetable garden - last year I was just too busy to plant one, but this year I have plans to add another raised bed and explore what else I can grow.
- Canning - again, last year I was too busy to make jam in the Spring. This year I'm going to can the crap out of some fruit and I want to see what I can do with my garden harvest. Maybe homemade marinara sauce. Maybe pickle some beans. Who knows! I'm excited by the prospect!
- Learn to make bread - I have a bread machine and I do love it. But, I want to make bread from scratch. I want to work my hands and muscles kneading the dough and appreciate the time it take to bring together a plethora of ingredients into something fresh and homemade.
- Teach my daughter to cook - Amelia asked the other day if I would teach her how to cook. I suddenly got so excited by the prospect and can't wait until we tackle this project over the summer! I see muffins, cakes, soups, and stews in our future!
- Fill the freezer - we've put off buying an extra freezer since our old one broke a couple years ago. It's time to buy a new one. And, I'm looking forward to filling it with meals and homemade goodies to carry us through the next holiday season so I have the chance to just enjoy the merriment of the holidays with my kids.
- Organize my recipes - my mother has all her recipes color coded and organized in little binders. Everything is easy to find and ready when needed. I can't wait until she comes down in May for my graduation and we can tackle this project together.
- Take a sewing class - I got a sewing machine a while back and I've enjoyed the few projects I've had time to do. But, I want to learn so much more. I want to make clothes for Amelia's American Girl doll. I want to make the perfect apron. I want to make a quilt out of scraps of the kids' old baby clothes.
- I want to explore the farmers market in the area and see what local goods are available to us. Maybe it's time to buy half a cow. Maybe I can find local eggs to use since we are just a touch under and acre and cannot raise our own. Maybe this will give the kids some great learning opportunities over the summer since we'll be canning and cooking away the hot Georgia days.
I feel so defeated when it comes to the prospect of finishing this dissertation - partly because the work is hard and partly because I struggle to let myself believe that not only can I do it, but that I might actually finish.
But then I look at this list. And I get excited! Maybe this is the motivation I need to finish - knowing that in a few short months I'll be allowed to embrace my domestic side again in a way that has been sorely lacking for the past three years. It's empowering to make plans.
And, oh do I have plans!! (this is the point in the story where the motivating/upbeat soundtrack music would kick in. I guess I should pick a song for that)
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